Under construction alert ….

FROM THE PUBLISHER’S DESK — FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Anonymous Reader, thank you for the bug report. It seems my .post style (the WordPress “text/css”) style— or the PHP… has an issue drawing content frames as of 10/18/15--column 1 is truncating on side two. If you are not one of my fellow code-geeks; plz ignore the geek-speak and just take note of the following:

DUE TO THIS BUG WE WILL BE FISHING AROUND FOR THE
OFFENDING LINE OF CODE THAT IS CAUSING COLUMN ONE
TO TRUNCATE PROSE AND CONTENT ON THE LEFT-HAND SIDE. APOLOGIES!

style.css & functions.php (& etc.php …er…etc…uh … are going to have the hood removed again; but I assure you the site is as secure, functional and jam-packed with original content as it ever was.
The Art Producer/Director of Self-Similarity Studios, Chris “Tapper” Welke; wants you to know that

“….the car still runs but the she may look like s#it while we are
under construction”>

Lonely Faction Production and SSStudios retain a policy, if you were not aware-
(From our SOP’s ref# ch.2_sub_sxn_5_article19_volume_7)–

Tapper7.com aka The SoCal Picayune remains open during construction. No exceptions.

typesetting, fonts, pictures, background colors, colors in general, text-boxes, titles, widths & heights…they are all subject to change and may in some cases. look “bad.” or “weird.”
if I learn anything new while I publicly make changes (no worries about the content itself– the site is backed-up frequently) I will report any tips, tricks, how-to’s & hacks ‘should any present themselves,’ we find a gem or just find dumb luck

    Bottom line

Tapper7.com and all associated sub-categories of this site are subject to looking weird, then bad, then worse, then bad again, then ok, then sorta “meh,” then “; ok that looks original and is readable regardless of the reader’s manufacturer(HP, IBM, Apple….), device type (desktop, laptop, tablet, phone, ipod) OS (MAC OohSX.?, Windows, Chrome, Unix, Linux) or browser(Chrome, Safari, Firefox, Opera….)
Please excuse our “dust” — by dust I mean – a live site that isn’t as aesthetically pleasing as you….treasured reader, are used to it being.

along those lines; it is important to keep all my content up 24/7/365(6) (shutout to host sponsor: (mt)) because we get waves of readers here at the home office. For some reason; a few thousand extra of you guys stopped by yesterday, what were you all reading? perhaps one of my diatribes made it to fb, digg, pinterest or some other sm nonsense page. my analytics will get to the bottom of this (shoutout to analytic & ad-serving, legitimacy-proiding sponsor Google)

In honor of the ‘praised advertising behemoth;’ (yeah right…this just a test–period).  here is one of their approved ads – it may or may not display correctly or at all, who knows….we’re under-construction, man! *ahem* “test footer-style, multi-media-enabled-modile-friendly ad in the frame provided; thk you that is all” – t

How to remove unwanted footer display and links in WP (and PHP, HTML) ….

This is a rehash of a previous how-to, but now that us WP “developers” have updated to v4.3….some of the unwanted PHP scripts and other junk may have returned to our sites. Let’s fix it fast–right now! In my case I prefer to get rid of the footer materiel that plugs a) the theme OP creator and b) WordPress itself. Why do we ditch PHP scripts that form the backbone of what the audience sees when they go to our-self-aggrandizing-website.com?

  1. Personalization – my site should contain MY approved content, especially links to 3rd parties
  2. Ownership– no one needs to know that my site is “powered by” ANYONE except ME, my associates and (mt)
  3. Control – anything viewed on my site NOT expressly approved by the publisher is unprofessional
  4. Anonymize – no one needs to know (or cares) that The Picayune runs WP or it’s reliance on a PHP template

Let me elaborate on Ownership – this is MY SITE! MINE MINE MINE! Pride is NOT a sin in the creative and technical world, 3rd party link-stingers at the bottom of my pages say, “you may enjoy this site but REAL credit goes to the open-source Web development firms that wrote some code running in the background.”
^^^^ F— them. The publisher built this site from nothing, the publisher
bashes his head in over every post and pixel, the publisher marketed the content and developed a loyal audience….THE PUBLISHER obeys all US Media Law and applicable media ethics…THE PUBLISHER creates original, rich, deep, informative, occasionally funny content… THE PUBLISHER was approved for Google Adsense almost a year ago. NOT WORDPRESS and certainly not a theme developer who’s code only loosely applies to what I still call “The Socal Picayune WP Theme 2015.”….so now that we’ve made updates, let’s try a quick how-to on what I call “WordPress footer anonymization.” Last time we had to re-write the “<>” (HTML & PHP browser directives) to “[]” as the “code” markup in WP 4.1 (or was it 4.0?) would glitch out, the WYSYWIG interpreting the brackets inside as real, despite the fact that the “code” (I’m still weary of using brackets for that word till the following test….) ostensibly tells your browser – “The following characters are all plain text – display them AS WRITTEN” — return to normal HTML when “/code” appears. For HTML beginners, this is the same as a bold command in a word processor. In a markup language a directive tells the browser what to do with incoming strings of text. Here is the simple example:

BOLD
— the rough equivalent of [strong] BOLD [/strong] –or– (b) BOLD (/b) ….again I’m using arbitrary beginning and ending brackets instead of “<” and “>” so as not to confuse the post the site will generate. Essentially in markup symantics, the directive %strong% indicates a change to the input string; the %/strong% (<—note the fwd-slash) indicates it is over. Ok…let’s give this a try… If WP 4.3’s WYSYWIG editor STILL bugs out on the “code” markup, I will post a snapshot this time instead of replacing all the greater-than & less-than symbols with ‘[‘ & ‘]’sTEST! 

  1. Dashboard –> Appearance –> Editor –> open footer.php
  2. Make a local backup copy of “footer.php” in case you screw it up
  3. delete or comment out the code snippet pictured below
  4. Update file (this will recompile the site with updated PHP script)
  5. Visit site – (for QA/QC)

*UPDATE* “code” does not work w/in a WP post – It’s likely that the markup itself is followed by another markup using the less-than ‘<‘ sign – this exception is either not coded into WordPress’ WYSYWIG editor or fails on the front-end of common browsers. I really don’t have the interest to solve this, so here is a snapshot of the code I removed:

//coment_out or delete

Let’s note what I removed in ditching the above:

  • A banner link to WP.com (or .org….)
  • A banner link to another webdev’s site

Let’s note what I DID NOT remove* (you won’t want to either. Directly above the call to a footer class, there is this command – “…do_action(‘generate_after_footer_widgets’);?> This fuction will return widgets embedded at the bottom of the page; MY content, so it stays. In my case, currently there are three footer widgets here– a plug for my fledgling podcast, links to other pages on the site and a calendar.

This test was successful on previous versions of WP v4 and is currently working no problemo on WP v4.3 running on a reliable server courtesy of Media Temple.
If you find the content here informational, entertaining, laughable or get SOME form of enjoyment out of it, you’d be doing us all a great big favor by checking out one of our generous sponsors. As always, there is no need to buy anything…not from me or any site plugged by me ever, but browsing Google Adwords-audited sponsors is of no danger to anyone. A banner ad may or may not appear below – the WP 4.3 testing continues….

Here is a less Object-Oriented example…this Stylesheets’s “original” author, or OP as I called one above, wrote so much unwanted junk AND script-kittied (nee plagiarized) so much of other’s that he mentions it’s “OK not to link to my site in the footer, but credit appreciated.” Sorry…. f— his “credit” take a look at the code:another footer removal example

Ok so as a courtesy you can see some names were changed and the Web site is bogus. Exercise: What PHP and HTML can we safely comment-out or outright delete?  To give you a hint this code will generate the following at the bottom of your page:

BlahBlahhoohooblahh 2015 WordPress Theme by www.someUnwantedBacklink.com Another Boring Theme

(another thing worth noting is that function ‘.date(“Y”)’ in this case will read the date from your computer, extract the year as a 4-digit integer and print it using the style defined for <p> in the stylesheet, I say this because it may not be 2015 when you read this and I don’t want to confuse anybody)

Ok…..ready? Here is a KISS-simple solution to wipe out all that nonsense (or rewrite/replace it with your own…link to an associated page or your client, whatver’s clever, You strip this down to:

</footer> </body> </html>

TaDaaa!

Is any of my content helping? If so…could do me a solid and visit one of my generous sponsors? I could really use the help. You don’t have to buy anything….that is part of The SoCal Picayune, Self-Similarity Studios and Tapper7.com promise: ads are clearly labeled, separated from site content and no financial obligation is ever expected of audience members. That said ….

*A note for beginning front-end developers: If I need to tell you why >? was not deleted, this is perhaps too advanced a tutorial – be careful not to remove /body or /html at the end of the file — again — make a BACKUP before changing HTML/JS/PHP etc. inside your page or it could be kablammo; you won’t destroy the site, but you WILL take it down and need to FTP as an administrator and swap out the PHP file to get your site back up. Unless you have unrestricted access to the backbone of your site … this will lead to a call for tech support from GoDaddy or whomever you use…and who the hell knows how long that will take? Learn as much about PHP, FTP, mySQL, HTML, CSS, JS and common contruction tools like Website Builder, cPanel and WordPress if you are a small operation – it will save you time, $ –and trust me it’s NOT COMPLICATED. These are not programming languages, they are scripts and applications – if you can put together a mean-looking Power-Point; you can do this!).
More posts, stories and podcasts coming soon, -t. []

The Chemical Attack on Doma Castle No Longer a “Conspiracy Theory”

a photo of the postaers that came with ff3 and earthworm jim for super nintendo

The deaths of hundreds of citizens, soldiers and bureaucrats at Doma Castle has long been the subject of debate among scholars, the right-wing-fascists, commie-pinko bastards and Conspiracy Theorists on both sides.
So what really did happen at Doma CastleWhat was the fate of the Domians?

It has long been the position of The Empire that the terrorist organization known as “The Returners,” launched an Anthrax attack on the city’s water supply. Doma being a castle– the well, moat and river leading past its hallowed halls were targeted to maximize the effect. Hundreds died in the days that followed, many of them “with fire in their lungs.”
Returner sympathizers were arrested within days and summarily executed.

I’ve dug long and hard into the available source material, but none is more vivid than my own eyewitness account as an embedded reporter with The Returners Continental Army, a conservative group trying to  prevent history from repeating itself by restricting The Empire’s access to Magic by any means possible.
I’ve edited and added some commentary to the original b-roll from the early 90s. Using Snes9x, AVI technology, Windows Media Maker, Microsoft Visual C++ 2005 (Redistributable), Tapper’s HP 15, Google’s Monolithic YouTube HTML5 server and other available tools, here is the Truth about the Tragedy @ Doma…so many years hence.

Much more famous cutscenes, dramatic in-game dialogue, analysis, comment, comedy and 90s nostalgia is comin’ at your 12 courtesy of Tapper, myself, Tapper7.com, Google, (mt) and the genius of those artists whose inspirational dreams create an enduring harmony of artistic magic we remember today.*

This is only TEST. Repeat this is only a test.
Coming soon: Celes fills in for Maria at the Opera House.
How Shiny Entertainment* envisioned Hell.
Donkey Kong!*

*Legal – Fair Use of Content by SQUARESOFT/SQUARE/SQUARE-ENIX is embedded in the above YT vid.

Open during construction….

a memeorial poster showing Japanese Zeroes dropping bombs on PH.

Some slides, just cuz…

  • \
  • With Pooh Bear. RIP Big Bro....
  • 1997 Santa Clara Big Bores with Dean Westman and Jeb.
  • 96 VK Big Bores. RIP Ray Arias.
  • 1994 CVHS Leads
  • With Alisha....04 Banquet
  • Me n Michelle, in MS
  • Tapper n Joey B!
  • Me n Bill Watrous
  • Me n Beetlejuice
You could say this writer’s been pretty busy….you could say this writer sits on his ass all day. Whatever the case may be, the priority has been write a decent editorial for The California Register and setup/configure the hardware and software this li’l creative project known as Tapper7.com is going to need moving into the future.
I recorded episode zero of Season 1 of the Tapper7 Podcast. It’s not suitable for primetime or late-night, but I thought it was fun to make and once I figure out the specifics of creating a [1400px X 1400px] graphic and configuring the RSS feed I’m just gonna drop the m-fer.
So….if you are one of my valued readers in San Luis Obispo County….check your mailbox. You might see an editorial written by some idiot named “Chris Welke.” **UPDATE** Breaking news in the Kristen Smart Case has forced the editorial staff to place the holiday edition ON-HOLD ’till January.
“Expect us.” In your mailbox next year. We are NOT anonymous.
I had to scrap the PHP for this site and we’re…sort of starting from scratch. we ARE doing a full-on redesign.
For now it’s simply choosing a theme — I made a few customization’s, the site WORKS. you can read/access the information presented here…especially if you are a new visitor and end up here as a result of my upcoming piece in The Register and want to know a li’l more about the subversive, OCD, schizoid pseudo-intellectual known as Chris Welke.
Please make use of the comment section on any article if you want to throw me under the bus, compliment me or threaten to kill me…..I love comments. I publish them unedited.
Not counting spam, which has not gotten past our security ONCE since September. It makes creating content a trillion times easier but also throws off-would-be commenters. You can always hit me up direct w/o all the CAPTCHAS and math problems by sending an EMAIL (I know…) to:

chris@tapper7.com. If you would like your note to appear as a comment, you MUST wade through my system … as SNL called it back-in-the-day, this is a “ruining it for everybody” situation and I apologize on behalf of India and Red-state spam-bot builders who r—- the comment section on this site.
Follow the links regarding My Dearly Departed Better Half if you are interested in contributing to my/her work….after all…Dominique deserves all the credit. I learned to report at Poly…Dominique taught me how to WRITE. This time of year
….I really really really REALLY MISS HER BAD.
If you want to support this Web site…scope out the sponsors you see peppered around here. It’s easy to do, you don’t have to buy anything from them….just…check ’em out, you might even find a great holiday gift. Afterall, the algorithm matched ME and MY CONTENT with YOU and your known preferences. Google knows more about you than YOU do…so why not let them help you shop. Think the algorithm knows it’s neary Xmas and that you still have gifts to buy? Is that the dumbest f—ing question ever?
Forgive the awful aesthetics seen here while I put the finishing touches on more pressing WIPs.
Lots of music reviews, movie madness, tech reviews, cringe humor and the prose you hate to love is coming back on a regular basis with a vengeance so don’t trip-out on that dear reader.
“We” (I keep acting like there’s a team behind this juvenile artistic endeavor) will also be presenting a year-end tech review…we’ll pay tribute to all the devices that were damaged, lost, destroyed or taken prisoner (clipped) in the line of duty to bring Tapper-creative content straight to your dome all year long.

…a personal thanks to the people BESIDES ME who really DO help make it happen and the bloggers who qualified for my upcoming SHORTLIST: Tapper7.com’s “Blogs that don’t suck 2014.”

I’ve reviewed almost 4500 blogs this year for comparison, education and because I get REALLY BORED and LONELY sometimes….regardless, I’ve located about five…..FIVE!!! Count ’em FIVE blogs that are informative, creative, original, have a nice design, are NOT a scam and NOT completely full of shit.
We will honor and highlight those blogs because, well this is MY blog and I’m the shot-caller HERE if nowhere else….I also want to spread “the good-good” since all year I mostly just put “the all-bad” on f—ing BLAST.”
We MAY also put businesses, Web sites, people and places on BLAST for f-ing me, someone else or society over…just to stir up some s—.
….haven’t decided what to call THAT list yet.**UPDATE – Negative articles ON HOLD till holidays close, be ready though, this list would make my ol’ neighbor Dick Nixon VERY PROUD.” (Except for the not-keeping-it-a-secret-part). F— it.
No matter…thx for YOUR patronage most of all. If you enjoyed this site in 2014 – 2015’s going to keep you informed, entertained and maybe even laughing, SLIGHTLY MORE THAN 2014 DID!

There WILL be lots of music and movie-related comment and commentary.
The Podcast WILL launch or I’ll die trying.
Drum Corps will be visited and revisited and beat to death as usual.
If law enforcement fucks with me, you or anyone else, I WILL REPORT IT. Just like 2014…OCSD ON BLAST! (Nice time to shoot a black guy at HOLLYWOOD AND HIGHLAND BTW ….fucking LAPD man…..)…let’s get all mixed-up in the NY/Boston/Chicago/St.Louis race-baiting-racist-above-the-law-COP-fucking BULLSHIT cuz in LA….things go GREAT when the black population [overtly shit on constantly] loses their collective tempers, doesn’t it? hmmmm?
Rodney King, Watts, … Reginald Denny’s brick-to-the-kisser at Florence & Normandy? Yeah…let’s DO THAT AGAIN.<–sarcasm
OCSD, LAPD, SLOPD, OCDA, SLODA….you suck. [MOST OF YOU]: You’re awful. Incompetent, Incapable, Corrupt, Racist, Trigger-Happy, sneaky, full of shit and I sincerely hope you get AIDs in 2015 if you haven’t been diagnosed yet.
Oh yeah…that’s what I wanted to say…especially with the ultimate demise of The OnA Show and the fervor with which all humorists miss one of our own…one of our best. He’s black too. <= and would’ve loved that joke.
Patrice O’Neal…RIP Big Dawg. In HIS HONOR-THERE WILL BE AIDS JOKES.
And to the Japanese high command that bombed the hell out of Pearl Harbor 73 years ago…how’d that work out for ya? Get a nice face-full of Oak Ridge Laboratories and The United States Marine Corps? Ya DID didn’t ya?

Semper Fi.