Writer Showcase – Josh Boruff

I was looking for the raw footage of the eight-year-girl taking part in social-IQ-vetting-Darwinism when I stumbled upon a hysterical writer..

Here is clip related to the news item if you haven’t seen it yet. Note that this is labeled as being “raw video” and “full” … it ISN’T and it DEFINITELY ISN’T.

Youtube auto-links to related videos if you want to see a news story for further info or if you would like to see that clip enhanced, zoomed or in slow-mo (if you do you’ll see the weapon point stage left, directly at the doomed moron, in the last ~tenth of a second).

Something Awful frequently used to post the more gruesome videos not found on YouTube or … as if YouTube is some bastion of good taste or something, but seriously there are other sites out there (I hate to say it and will not backlink to it, but World Star Hip-Hop is one of them…) that can give the good journalist insight into a developing story by posting pictures/video/audio that are unquestionably horrid, upsetting, gruesome et. al. …but as the Fourth Estate, it is my duty to look at things even MY READERS would find disturbing, the same way a cop or a medical examiner combs through a murder-suicide … I don’t want to see a guy take a NATO round in the head from a little girl…but if the video is available, I have a responsibility to watch it in order to process the the magnitude and gravity of an ongoing, developing news story that ALSO ties into ongoing, developing historical elements, such as The 2nd Amendment, teens and guns, kids and guns, The South and guns, gun-nuts and guns, conspiracy-theorists and guns, liberals and guns, school shootings and guns, media violence and guns,….guns guns, guns!!!!

Following an exhaustive 30 seconds of online research I found that whomever shot the video [on their iPhone] subsequently turned it over to the local sheriff, who, in-turn, released the video to the media with an edit[cut] point a moment before the weapon fired.

PERHAPS the full video will leak out at some point.

During this research I stumbled upon a comedy article that is the very definition of cringe humor. Josh Boruff is offensive, depraved, sick, nasty, funny as fuck and exactly the kind of writer that deserves a free plug and a GLOWING review on my site. Funny shit. Not for everybody. Love it. Enjoy.

SkyMall’s New Bark Deterring Collar.

You can visit his author page here.

***SpamWar update: 48 hours…1191 comments, I’ll be thrilled if one percent are legit…seriously….looking for 12 people who wrote “I read your article about the death of music and have determined that you are a retarded, godless, sickening freak-troll and I hope the next car that hits you finishes the job (by that I mean you dying), sincerely etc etc…” See in this comment you can tell the reader has not only read the ARTICLE, but that he/she has also read enough to know a li’l bit about me! I would post that comment unedited and thank them for visiting. “I really like your site! This is the kind of content I have been looking all over the internet for. I added you to my blogroll, my rss feed and have told all my friends to do the same. Outstanding work!!!” Best Regards, MyShittyApplianceRepairBusinessInNorthCarolina.com….this is what bogs me down here…*sigh*…so I decided to post FIRST before I delve into the shitpile***. -T

 

 

Upgraded Web tools for your favorite blog ….

So this POS weblog began as a gift from a generous family member and was designed and built using an iPod Touch 4th gen. (A gift so wonderfully bestowed by my loving mother to while away the bedridden hours in and out of the hospital on youtube and FB ….youtube for fun and FB to reduce the phone calls and well-placed-well-intentioned-but-also-overwhelming amount of calls I needed to field as so many fans, friends, colleagues and loved ones (rightly so…) reached fits of panic all 22x I went under the knife to repair my thrashed body (which pretty much works now..heheh). It was easier to put an update on blast: “Back from OR…not dead…cranked full of demerol and ativan…feelin nice, surgery was a success, often accompanied by a photo of my leg or arm next to that day’s LA Times as proof of life. Better than fielding 50 phone calls, to which had it continued, my surgeon would’ve ripped the phone out of the wall as stress–> HBP—>panic—>return to ICU—> surgery failure or even cardiac arrest or seizure. If you think Dr. Wilkins would allow friends or even family to even move my stress level up one iota with his experimental right leg on the line …then you don’t know how hardcore Dr. Dub is about his patients and his creations.

So the iPod was great and kept me sane for a long time … it just was no good for Web Design, or Web Editing, which I do over on a great site called www.answers.com.

On this site I am pleased to have started as a Contributor, quickly promoted to Editor-at-Large and recently promoted again to Supervising Editor and am now the Resident Journalism Expert. A humble honor. I am far better at improving other people’s words than writing original ones of my own, so to my 1800 dear readers I thank you for hanging in there with me (see WIPs entry and feel free to rqst topics in the comments…I live to write for you, dear reader-no topic is off-limits and if there is something you wish to know more about, I’m happy to provide).

To provide better content for you and better service to Answers.com, I bought a Chromebook and it worked until the charger and relay took a shit, to which [again…] blogs and repair shops alike said “$100-$200 to solder the relay and btw, it will take four weeks to fix”

Smelled bullshit and it was…the one true thing is that the Samsung Chromebook is built with a flimsy and weak adapter that slides into an equally fragile and tiny relay in order to derive current and charge the battery much in the way an impotent asian man would try to fuck his virgin and equivalently asian bride on their wedding night…not exactly a strong connection. What? You got a non-racist metaphor have at it….THEY BUILT THAT POS!

Ok so I fixed it once, but when it happened again I decided the following things will no longer hold back this Web site, or my Web editing or my ability to get online and do my thing:

1. Macintosh and their faggy updating OBS hustle to force/con/scam/arm-twist customers into upgrades (needed or perceived-as)

2. “Netbooks” that only run http….such a waste and so much you can’t do (or can but it’s made complicated by needing every damn procedure or function to happen w/in a Web browser).

Today (unbelievably) thx to the most scandalous vendor location of the most scandalous vendor site known to the Web : Craigslist Orange County (Where 60 percent of goods are stolen, 70 percent are methamphetamine abusers and 10-30 percent are OCSD tracking stolen property, setting up stings and busting people who jack everything from tools to bikes to tablets to (use your imagination for other crimes infesting this little meth-head corner of Craigslist…) I DID FIND, a local who is about to upgrade his laptop, doesn’t need the one I’m now posting on, it is NOT STOLEN and he gave me a VERY FAIR price. It’s an Acer Aspire, plenty of Ghz and RAM and Gigs…Windows 7, and everything I need to keep bring you the bullshit you love.

This sweet laptop could be collecting dust in some guy’s garage…instead it is helping me bring you all the best in writing, stories, idiocy, social criticism, research, news…and [likely] for it’s first time…it now gets to say things like “cunt” “nigger” or “AIDS” in public.

God Bless The 1st Amendment and God Bless Free Market Capitalism. Fag.

Much love to my favorite reader-you, -Tap.

Prepare yourself dear reader…

Why do you read my site? Why is your iPhone setup to push-notify whenever this site updates?…I know why. Most of you are highly educated, intelligent, open minded and appreciate quality artwork and you like my writing style. To that I am eternally grateful. I am very surprised and appreciative of the way this site has grown. We welcome new visitors from Indonesia, India, Greece and the consistent flow and growth from the americas, Japan and Europe. It has NOT attracted a single hit from the continent of africa, which is fine cuz you fuckers from Nigeria bomb the fuck out of my gmail, you are NOT WELCOME HERE, but I will keep spamming the shit out of you everytime you hit me with that retarded bank account scam. Everyone has seen The Ambassador on Netflix, you scandalous motherfuckers. I used to be able to fry a motherboard over an intranet. if I ever figure out a way to do it over the internet I’m coming after motherboards in Nigeria and The Central African Republic straight up. You don’t deserve comm technology with few exceptions, you use it to scam rob and fuck with each other and the rest of the world. If I could hit the entire continent with an EMP that would take every single machine offline pending lengthy and extensive repair I’d do it in one second despite the collateral damage.

You know who pisses me off more? You spam comment retards who try to sell your SEO that no one wants and/or your blog that no one reads. People actually DO read this site…I love my readership so you spammers I’m declaring war on this web hit fishing comment scam. I post for my readers and you waste about 10 percent of my time on here going thru and deleting your bullshit so now your fucking with my readers AND the site and the content. Dont be surprised if your “kind and thoughtful” fucking scandalous transparent “compliment” looks different on the site … I mean one was just trying to get me to plug his SEO, but for some reason he posted something horrifyingly racist. There’s another SEO spammer who is a kid-toucher idk why he keeps telling ME that…but I may approve one of his comments so you can see how sick he is. I’m also approving some of them so I can reply to the shitheads I want to publicly call out.

ACTUAL READER: the comment section is going to get worse b4 it gets better. Idk how a laptop could give its user AIDS but I wished it and other STDs on a few of them. I allowed a woman to plug her (likely) porn site but in my reply I called it fatbitch.com. We will push the limits of the english language when we attack spammers so fair warning the comment section is now NSFW, will contain racist comments, misogyny, sexually offensive and or disgusting language etc. Anything I can think to offend them. the only thing I wont do is go to their site.

I recommend that you not click on the link I will let through to be fair regarding my sick replies. That is what they really want. most of them have 20 readers max. There are 1500 of you and more everyday.  You make me a better writer and encourage my creativity everytime you visit and I got mad love for you. You already know my humor is not for everyone and pushes boundaries of language, taste, etc. (and you like it you sick fuck! many of you are chicks too…good god) anyway I’m going to come up with the worst possible things you can say about another person but also keep it funny and interesting (otherwise what’s the point? Just shit piss fuck suck cock ass tits bitch nigger kike bitch pussy cunt fagget beaner spic cocksucker motherfucker etc and just re-arrange? No if I am able to create the most awful and entertaining insults ever written it will be partly cuz of your support and partly the great comedian-thinkers who came before: Bill Hicks, Carlin, Eddie Murphy, (cant think very far back in time right now so; ) Billy Red Face, Jim Norton, Louis C.K. Bob Levy, Jim Florentine, Joe DeRosa, Amy Schumer and Bob K—..ohhh wait NOT YOU!   RIP Patrice O’neal, we miss you big dog! (you can support the family of the late Patrice O’neal by purchasing his last comedy special, “Elephant in the Room”)

Craigslist snapshot: men seeking women headlines in Orange County…lulz/roflcopter

Have you ever heard women say that men are dumb?

True or not…a cursory glance of classified ads posted TODAY and selected randomly do not do much for our credibility as “intelligent” (perhaps the blood drained out of their heads when they posted).

Note: links not posted out of courtesy, headlines are posted to the public domain and are protected under fair use…I mention this cuz I will post the head and then trash it for being idiotic.

1. Married for Married; seeking love outside of marriage [what? you wrote the same thing 3x, the subject makes zero sense grammatically]

2. Free Car Free Car OC […]

3. Looking for sencure woman [awww…. he means SECURE! I almost feel sorry but no sorry you are a fucking ‘tard]

4. Do you need help with bills? I need friends w/ benefits [I guess this isn’t dumb but isn’t that the exact same thing as “I will pay $ if you fuck me”?]

5. Handsome and hung for busty cougar [if you were and you were, you would not LEAD w/ that…I’m sure the “cougars” will line up for you bro!]

6. Want a casual time w/ someone also paranoid about CL? [so you either have the clap or you want someone who also does…or you want to wrap yourself in reynolds wrap before you round 3rd base. Fucking creepy and cryptic headline dude!]

7. Looking for stretch marks on BBW or prego [not dumb but informative. this is a thing. learn everyday, I guess, wtf?]

8. 420 friendly for 420 friendly [circular logic – [If I’m 420 friendly…in what universe would I not allow my partner to be? Better toke something else dingbat!]]

9.  My favorite: I have a lot of booze and 420 [are you impressed? he has Bud Light and Schwag! Sounds like a big money hustler to me!!!!]

I’m embarrassed for my gender.

-T