Fun with Microsoft’s Online OneDrive ….

So MSFT…in a last gasp effort to get you to use their software; is offering a newer; slightly more useful version of DropBox. You not only get some free cloud space; but instead of loading you up with a 90-day bloatware trial of Office 365 [as they did last time], they give you trial access to OneDrive.com (sorry no backlink –btw caution; the parody mktg doc im going to try and post HAS active links, one will take right back to the homepage at Tapper7.com; but the rest will take you to #NSFW in any way shape or form sites….just dont click them (crud now I KNOW you will…) anyway lets try n post this….it should be obvious what was weitten by Microsoft Marketing and what was edited by this writer ….Test – see if link to awful parody works ….Getting started with OneDrive parody by Tapper v0
Happy 2017!

Support our sponsor below – help keep The Pick running like a well-oiled ..err… ok I really mailed this one in – better content and a new podcast coming soon – we have new equipment here at SStudios. Woot!


Update – WP doesnt want to post their PDF either – so here is the text in raw cut & paste form – remember I changed the link-rels; (if they work which I doubt…) dont click if at work or want to retain marriage! xD
What is OneDrive?
OneDrive is another shit product from Microsoft. And it’s free[mium] this means it has in-app purchases so we can try to trick you out of your $ or try to convince you to buy crap you don’t need. You get 15 GB of free storage with your Microsoft account, so you can store all types of pr0n in one place and get to them from any Starbucks
Friends & family can easily hack into your OneDrive files, including photos, login credentials, dating Websites and your bank account – even your “secret” pr0n videos, And OneDrive works with Windows and Office (in case you didn’t know that your OS is compatible with our nearly value-less desktop publishing programs such as “Word” “Excel” “Access” and PowerPoint – you may still use these programs if you fell through a wormhole and landed in 1998, so it’s simple to work with OneDrive files on your computer and collaborate with other people on documents. You can do this for free using Google Docs; or if you need to collaborate at the “above two guys running a weed clinic” -level; we have SharePoint; Sun, oops, we mean Oracle also has a far better product for this; but it does MRP/ERP and other useful shit rendering “Office” utterly useless; they call it Salesforce.com. On a budget? Open-source pioneers Apache offer a suite of tools for publishing; drawing; collaboration; dB, spreadsheets and all sorts of other useful functions; it’s called OpenOffice.
The clock is really ticking on our ability to make $ on Office so buy now….please!
Add files from your computer
To add files to OneDrive, just drag them into your computer’s OneDrive folder using File Explorer or Finder. The files will automatically sync across all of your devices that have OneDrive installed (so not your iPhone, your Mac desktop or your Android device (sorry!). So you can drag a photo from your laptop to your
OneDrive—and later open it in OneDrive on your phone. By that we mean the Windows Phone you don’t own.
Add files from your phone or tablet
To add photos and videos on your phone or tablet to OneDrive, use the OneDrive app. Even better—you can also choose to turn on camera backup to automatically save the photos and videos you take to OneDrive. So even if you lose your phone or tablet, you won’t lose your memories!
Add files using the OneDrive website
You can also add files from any computer, tablet, or phone by using the OneDrive website. Just go to OneDrive.com, sign in, and then tap or click Upload.
Share files
You can share individual files and even entire folders without attaching anything. Send an email with a link to what you’d like to share (in case you didn’t know you could already do this using any email client made in the last 25 years)—and rest assured that everything else in your OneDrive will stay private (except for all the people who already fished, socially engineered, brute-forced or simply requested your login credentials). To share items from the OneDrive website, just select the check box in the upper-right corner of the item and choose Share.
See, in software engineering; the requirements were to “add a method to share objects with other users” Sharing takes one step IRL; I hand you my smoke – done. But since this is Microsoft; where we begin sentemnces with words like “but,” “and” ….we build outdated software one wants or needs; our OS will crash if you forget to reboot; perhaps our most famously idiotic OS UI/UX design flaw goes all the way back to our first GUI; Windows 3.0 (which Xerox’s Parc Research Facility allowed us AND a marketing firm called Blueberry [or something] to build a OS’s that would put a PC in every home in America, later the Western World; now nearly the Globe) so it wasn’t us that invented it; but we know when to repurpose software & weasel out of paying! Anyway; as we started to create Windows; the topic of “shutting down” the computer came up….a senior engineer who hated C & C++ (said we should built it in Ada…anyway) he said “we already made “start” button; let’s just put it there.” A pesky C++ programmer piped up and said “…but stop is the opposite of start, therefore one can’t be designed as a subset of the other.” He was promptly fired. We hired another C/C++ guy who nodded and agreed with the sr. Engineer in all the right places; so we released his family from captivity and had the FBI drop the treason charge against him.
Collaborate with Office
OneDrive works with Office, so it’s easy to collaborate [its also easy to repeat yourself 3 times in 2 sentences!). Instead of sending around different copies of documents, you can give other people permission
to edit the document directly (just like any other CMS on the market!). You can even collaborate with people who don’t have Office installed on their computers—they can open and edit documents in OneDrive using Office Online. Of course; we aren’t responsible for other OS’s so the preceding statement is not only untested –if it fails its YOUR FUCKIN PROBLEM JACK!
Get OneDrive on your devices
Use OneDrive on your computer, tablet, and phone to get to your stuff from anywhere. You can download OneDrive apps at OneDrive.com/download.
Where can I learn more? For more info, check out OneDrive.com/about or go to OneDrive.com/support.
Whats the best way to kill myself?
Auto-erotic asphyxiation is in style for winter 2017!

Embed Tapcast via iTunes INTO The Socal Picayune? Technical testing time DING DING!….

So in order to promote my new podcast, so far I can only give search terms on SM….which is way lame, but lots are listening to my prototype level content either organically or because they YOU are reader and have a twisted sense of what qualifies as entertainment (actually you are likely to have a higher education and IQ than 90 % of the public per my analytics analysis aggregation)

SO!force you to search for “Tapcast” on iTunes or 1 mouse click? as software engineer I go with latter. Fast, ez & SIMPLE. No work should be involved to be informed and entertained by the madhouse that is Self-Similarity Studios.
TESTING…..take 1: Apple’s iTunes “Linkmaker”

Below should feature a button so you can “get some” I mean “get it on iTunes” ….

I’ll even allow the Apple branding if it works….
Here are the some of the new transcription arrangements NOT included in the cast….
Testing…”Salvation is Created” adapted from an arrangement by Greg Flores….
Salvation is Created arr. Tapper by Tapper7
*EDIT – Aerith’s theme removed from embedding due to Musescore’s limit of 5 scores, I will repost it on iTunes as “music only” and perhaps a pdf or two here.
*
Relm and Aerith’s Theme were composed by Nobuo Uematsu on behalf of SquareSoft for FF3 on the SNES and FFVII on the PS1, respectively. You can currently order FFVII via Steam if you can’t wait for the remake. As for FF3 (FF6 in Japan), sans a cartridge and console, I recommend snes9x provided you DID purchase the game legitimately when you were a kid. As for Hayes I love that track but f-him na…I thought that guy was cool.

Throw “4chan raids on twitch” into a search if you are bored and in need of laughter. Join up, but after my first, EPIC “Ramoning” of a creepy cosplay guy to entertain the 4channers, 9gaggers, myself and make they annoying anime guy lose his mind…I’m suspended for 24 hours. Next time I’ll record so I can resurrect “Steve from Yellowstone” I wish I’d been recording the livestream. I honestly think Jim and Op wouldve given me an atta boy. Last nights raid on The guest host of Black Ops 3 was beyond epic. Caution; cringe-humor is not for everyone. The running gag was “Bush did 9/11” simply because it made the host lose his mind. Full-blown mental breakdown on camera. Never realized we had FULL CONTROL of his livestream and that none of the donations were real.

Infotainment you won’t hear anywhere else dear reader: The SoCal Picayune.

The Chemical Attack on Doma Castle No Longer a “Conspiracy Theory”

a photo of the postaers that came with ff3 and earthworm jim for super nintendo

The deaths of hundreds of citizens, soldiers and bureaucrats at Doma Castle has long been the subject of debate among scholars, the right-wing-fascists, commie-pinko bastards and Conspiracy Theorists on both sides.
So what really did happen at Doma CastleWhat was the fate of the Domians?

It has long been the position of The Empire that the terrorist organization known as “The Returners,” launched an Anthrax attack on the city’s water supply. Doma being a castle– the well, moat and river leading past its hallowed halls were targeted to maximize the effect. Hundreds died in the days that followed, many of them “with fire in their lungs.”
Returner sympathizers were arrested within days and summarily executed.

I’ve dug long and hard into the available source material, but none is more vivid than my own eyewitness account as an embedded reporter with The Returners Continental Army, a conservative group trying to  prevent history from repeating itself by restricting The Empire’s access to Magic by any means possible.
I’ve edited and added some commentary to the original b-roll from the early 90s. Using Snes9x, AVI technology, Windows Media Maker, Microsoft Visual C++ 2005 (Redistributable), Tapper’s HP 15, Google’s Monolithic YouTube HTML5 server and other available tools, here is the Truth about the Tragedy @ Doma…so many years hence.

Much more famous cutscenes, dramatic in-game dialogue, analysis, comment, comedy and 90s nostalgia is comin’ at your 12 courtesy of Tapper, myself, Tapper7.com, Google, (mt) and the genius of those artists whose inspirational dreams create an enduring harmony of artistic magic we remember today.*

This is only TEST. Repeat this is only a test.
Coming soon: Celes fills in for Maria at the Opera House.
How Shiny Entertainment* envisioned Hell.
Donkey Kong!*

*Legal – Fair Use of Content by SQUARESOFT/SQUARE/SQUARE-ENIX is embedded in the above YT vid.

Youtube and WordPress (hopefully) breathes new life into dying art form…

Around the turn of the millennium a new technology for animation was born: Flash. With it, an animator needn’t “a sweatshop in Korea with 50 animators working 24/7 at gunpoint ….and chickens running around”—said Mike Reiss, 26-year veteran producer of “The Simpsons”—Reiss is a four-time Emmy-winning producer, He wrote for Johnny Carson and Conan O’Brien in addition to a creator credit for “The Critic,” and scores of children’s novels – notably How Murray Saved Christmas, which NBC/Universal turned into a movie that aired Christmas Day last year to rousing reviews and accolades.

Flash can be programmed to do a great deal of the animation itself; a golden age of mature-themed animation made it’s way to the Web via Newgrounds and later Icebox. Icebox went defunct for a spell; they are back up though! With the advent of YouTube, animation host Newgrounds faded into the background as well. On the NEW Icebox, there exists ZERO NEW content, but all the CLASSIC animated series are is posted to an AWFUL WordPress blog (worse than mine) and the vids are hosted on YT-natch. It’s rough-around the edges but a whole lot better than nothing. Brilliant, hysterical, edgy and outrageously talented creations are resurrected…thanks to increasingly inexpensive Web-hosting.
This is a common model for modern publishing (I use it myself)…

WP engine: cheap…embedding video through YouTube – free.

Now all the fantastic episodes of SEVERAL brilliant “webtoons” are avail. It’s weird …. the episodes have so few views…Some episodes of “Superhero Roommate” featuring Brian Posehn…one of my all-time favorite comedians…has barely 200 views since uploading *ahem*
*scratch that…* “Leftovers part 1,” up for two years, has just over 100 views- I’d like to help him change that:

The surge of creative possibilities attracted a flood of heavy-hitter producers, writers, musicians and other artists. They were captivated by the ease of animating and the uncensored freedom offered by the InterWebz. In an eerily self-prophesying episode, Larry David piled on for a new series called “The Paula Principle” David creates a senator who’s just been nominated for president, he laments, self-deprecates and yells at his manager in classic LD-style, noting that he’s a complete hack, unqualified, in over his head…too stupid to do the job. Sadly…it was the only episode ever made. If I ever meet him, I will ask what would’ve happened to the “Complete Idiot” Senator, written an voiced by David himself and VERY MUCH a prequel to the style he would use on “Curb.” :

Only 290 views! How many times do you think “The Soup Nazi” episode of Seinfeld has been watched? I’ve seen it…3x? Would it be safe to say over a billion considering the syndication and DVD sets…and the fans who watch favorite episodes over and over again?
Another favorite of mine that has been brought back to life is “Mr. Wong” by Pam Brady. Mr. Wong is a SEVERE asian stereotype, his boss abuses him w/o mercy…and he gets involved with opiates, binge-drinking, hallucinations and “accidently” turns gay in this masterful series. The production value is top-notch. The main-theme played on the harpsichord at whiplash speeds in later episodes is a nod to how many heavy-hitting artists/musicians Flash technology attracted, here is episode 1, “Urine Trouble,” :

As you can see, this series was so good it was picked up by Mondo in 2009 and has nearly a quarter-million views since then. I assure you, episode 1 previously had well-over a million views through Newgrounds and the old version of Icebox.
Another series that enjoyed commercial success was “Queer Duck,” written by Mike Reiss, voiced by top-of-the-food-chain V/O KING Billy West (he was/is Ren & Stimpy amoung countless others on nearly every successful animated series/movie EVER – The Simpsons, Futurama…you name it). Rupaul joined up to write a SWINGIN ‘intro and outro that he sang masterfully. The gay jokes are hysterical, Reiss branched off from  The Simpsons as he was growing sick of the media’s portrayal of homosexuals, though he is not HIMSELF gay…at all..he’s Jewish, like me…and we have a tendency to come to the aid of oppressed groups; particularly those known to have an artistic gift (women, blacks and gays!) by promoting them…and taking our cut (Naturally…) Here’s episode two; I first watched when Reiss gave a seminar at Cal Poly, I interviewed him for the Daily and I asked him to show me the most offensive episode he had in the can so far. This was what he showed me….btw did I mention all the content is #NSFW? …I didn’t? Ok….well… it’s not…if you haven’t been fired yet let’s move on…sorry about that.

Yes..this series was so good it was picked up by Showtime.
He also created “Hard-Drinkin’ Lincoln,” which is self-explanatory. It’s about Honest Abe as an honestly s__t-faced, hardcore alcoholic, hijinks ensue and he usually gets shot at the end of every episode, making J.W. Booth a hero. It’s February, so here ya’ go….Reiss’ “Black History Month” tribute:

Speaking of purposely-offensive cringe-humor, great music and “period pieces,” “Meet The Millers” is one of my all-time favs…written by David Zuckerman. Dan Castelleneta (Homer S.) does V/O and Frank Sinatra Jr. wrote/sang the theme. It takes place in a xenophobic, commie-fearing, HEAVILY racist/anti-semitic suburb of Washington D.C.  in the 1950s. The father, an FBI agent, uses intimidation, fear-tactics, physical abuse and societal ills to his HILARIOUS advantage, which …naturally, he teaches to his children (when he’s not beating them of course)…Due to the Jennifer Aniston flick of same name, a normal web-query BURIES this great series deep down the list, even if you qualify the search for videos-only. I’ll plumb the depths of Youtube to find you an especially offensive/hysterical episode for ya, dear reader:

The dead-serious-severity in the voice of the older brother as he warns his black friend not to touch his sister and the BLAST against the French is daring and thought-provoking social satire…especially the ironic use of a laugh track when the jokes are at their most brutal not even 500 views yet.!…and now you know why the French kiss you twice!
So Icebox is BACK UP…someone setup a WP blog and assigned each series to a category. There are many more excellent series-es…es(????)….. I personally recommend “Starship Regulars,” I’m fairly certain it’s safe for work, it was initially scripted for network TV…”s__t” and “f__k” are substituted with futuristic terms, so it works. This one probably has the highest production value of them all. It’s a bummer there are so few episodes. I’m not a Trekkie by any stretch ..nor do I get too excited about Star Wars…sorry to burst your bubble if you thought I did. Remember: I’m a geek…. not a nerd; HUGE DIFFERENCE. I would’ve been all about this show had a major network bitten down on this…but, no dice: (Showtime did-yet it had a pitifully short run their Web site)

NOT EVEN A THOUSAND VIEWS!!! This is some of the greatest multimedia artwork ever created…and no one knows about it!
Even the new Icebox website is presented in carelessly written CSS…the videos out-span column-one, the new site is messy-carelessly slapped together-glad it’s there but sad to see it in such shabby condition. I present these on my site to promote the genius of their work…and to tidy up the FORMAT in which it is presented– Heroes of mine like Larry David and Mike Reiss (I STILL can’t believe I got to meet…even kick it w/ that guy in college…) THEY DESERVE BETTER. So I’m giving it to them. Check out some funny s— you’ve never seen or heard of before! None of my artist/writer/musician readers will be disappointed. This is Tapper-approved multimedia content we’re talkin’ about here!
My interview with Reiss was placed in the can at the Mistake Daily, so I have no access to it, but I’m in the process of extracting data off another old drive…I’m hoping it’s in there. I placed an order through an IT friend/associate, it took him a while to find the li’l gadget, there’s an issue with reading data off old IDE hard drives (obviously) plus I spent a little extra on a component that will interpret the data and send it out via USB 2.0, PLUS it fits in a case to protect the drive from electromagnetism. I don’t want to extract it from my old win95 box (ca. 1998) till it comes in….for all I know my cell phone …or a WiFi signal could fry it –frequency-modulation and EM are NOT on my list of expertise. All told it should work just like a thumb-drive –though it needs it’s own dedicated power supply, again, to protect it from getting sharked or de-magnetized. I’m srsly excited to get into my personal treasure-trove of writing, music and C++ code from my Cal Poly Dorm Days! This is from a tech-era when UNIX, C++/STL, Ethernet, Quake II, FTP, ICQ, IRC, Sun Microsystems, SPARC Solaris, Silicon Graphics (SGI) and Worms: Armageddon ruled the day! Facebook, Twitter, Google, Napster, .NET, even MYSPACE(!!!) weren’t even fully-formed IDEAS yet. It’s only 16 years ago, but that’s millenia in cyberspace-time. No one even says “cyberspace” anymore…see how dated it all is? In 1998, it would be six years until I finally caved-in and became the last man in America and got a cell-phone! One thing hasn’t changed…Microsoft still sucks.

Big-time fun to come…much of it (the interesting or historically-significant it’s) I will publish here.

So…..Is there any truth to the rumor that Springfield, ??…WAS IN FACT based on San Luis Obispo? I put that question to Reiss. Stay tuned…dear reader, stay tuned. []

Thanks for stopping by and please…many of you are spending too much time on my site. Did I mention that in the privacy policy? If not…Google reports “Sessions” to me….their clients are obsessed with it…how long you stay…only because they need to know how big of an “impression” my sponsored links made on you – so they report it to me daily. As for whom and how long? Per my privacy policy I cannot say, but some of you- TOO LONG, so again…get back to work, k? I don’t want to get anyone in trouble. -T.

Much WIPPY Much Work…WIPs, Ideas, Shenanigans, Paranoid Schizophrenia, SEO hypocrisy…..

From a recent FB post by me….it got long and I haven’t really been able to get much work done at all due to personal, health and technical problems….but here’s some some of that sweet sweet info….

“Ill let you in…if you like my group on……faaaaaacebooooook….” from “Let me in” by the great Marc M.

    WIPs:

  • 1. more of my web-content to post as audio…like a hybrid blog/podcast…I got a sweet recording device at radio shack …going out of business fire sale 80 bucks for the gadget I wanted….the only better model has a a bigger SD card (which I have) and includes an FM radio….who the f— needs FM radio? Anyway its $300 less than usual…if i didn’t buy it the liquidator will take it for $5-maybe. had to buy it.
  • 2. finally created a multi-track recording (you know…like a vocal track laid down w/ headphones on to keep time but record my voice/instrument only?) Always thought the second track would need to hit the downbeat or the post at the exact same time….nope. Only needs to-be IN-TIME. time_shift(); is so sweet…it’s all relative man…..
  • 3. if you haven’t already….some of you will get a note about a special project I’m working on in a PM.
  • 4. Got Approved as an author on answers.com now too

 

(lots of traffic, but the more I get into web design the less proud I am of the quality of what it claims to do—–answer questions….I’d like to write some decent stuff, cuz all the other “writers” submit hacky formulaic, SEO blog bull— like “10 Things you NEED TO KNOW about the new iPOD” —(starting a sentence with a number is horrid grammar and violates AP Style…but it seems to jive with search-crawlers so EVERY POST we have looks like this; (we even have a template: degrading the English language may be the only thing I find offensive)….”8 Movies you haven’t..” … “5 crucial steps….” “20 must-haves….”

  • This is just shenanigans so my first article may attack EVERY SINGLE OTHER AUTHOR on grounds LCD, copycat, subhuman, drooling moron web authoring.
  • feel free to submit a story idea…even a story..ill publish it and give full credit.
  • Considering: “Twenty Ways I can tell your work is designed to be indexed and ranked by machines-not read by human beings.
  • Also have:
  • Thirty LinkedIn Profiles that are programs not real people OR…
  • Three countries that do not belong on the World Wide Web.
  • Five critical security holes in Google Products. would be fun… but there is a potential to create harm there and it breaks my ethical code.

…I also found a SJ Merc article that I haven’t read because someone is alleged to have embezzled (which I think means “skim” who cares, right? little off the top never hurt anybody not really news ….to The Merc it’s news cuz the guy is a BAR Member practicing in the SJ-area….it’s VERY NEWSWORTHY TO A VET/FRIEND/FAN/SUPPORTER of West Coast Drum Corps and probably well-known to all corps types worldwide cuz this was …….a soloist ….who made a….you know…that one finals show we ALWAYS watch at big get-togethers….usually for the people who have NEVER SEEN IT? (and to make the people who get creeped out by it…like me….get creeped out – because of shared sadism I suppose?)

I usually can’t watch or listen because I find it disturbing. I won’t print the corps name or the yr cuz you KNOW. You may be one of the people who gets a kick out of the [incident] and watching everyone squirm and cringe (you sick sick animal!) So this anonymous individual was in the Merc …I was always told he was never heard from or seen again. Not going to link to it….sorry…way too much info posted

Writer Showcase – Josh Boruff

I was looking for the raw footage of the eight-year-girl taking part in social-IQ-vetting-Darwinism when I stumbled upon a hysterical writer..

Here is clip related to the news item if you haven’t seen it yet. Note that this is labeled as being “raw video” and “full” … it ISN’T and it DEFINITELY ISN’T.

Youtube auto-links to related videos if you want to see a news story for further info or if you would like to see that clip enhanced, zoomed or in slow-mo (if you do you’ll see the weapon point stage left, directly at the doomed moron, in the last ~tenth of a second).

Something Awful frequently used to post the more gruesome videos not found on YouTube or … as if YouTube is some bastion of good taste or something, but seriously there are other sites out there (I hate to say it and will not backlink to it, but World Star Hip-Hop is one of them…) that can give the good journalist insight into a developing story by posting pictures/video/audio that are unquestionably horrid, upsetting, gruesome et. al. …but as the Fourth Estate, it is my duty to look at things even MY READERS would find disturbing, the same way a cop or a medical examiner combs through a murder-suicide … I don’t want to see a guy take a NATO round in the head from a little girl…but if the video is available, I have a responsibility to watch it in order to process the the magnitude and gravity of an ongoing, developing news story that ALSO ties into ongoing, developing historical elements, such as The 2nd Amendment, teens and guns, kids and guns, The South and guns, gun-nuts and guns, conspiracy-theorists and guns, liberals and guns, school shootings and guns, media violence and guns,….guns guns, guns!!!!

Following an exhaustive 30 seconds of online research I found that whomever shot the video [on their iPhone] subsequently turned it over to the local sheriff, who, in-turn, released the video to the media with an edit[cut] point a moment before the weapon fired.

PERHAPS the full video will leak out at some point.

During this research I stumbled upon a comedy article that is the very definition of cringe humor. Josh Boruff is offensive, depraved, sick, nasty, funny as fuck and exactly the kind of writer that deserves a free plug and a GLOWING review on my site. Funny shit. Not for everybody. Love it. Enjoy.

SkyMall’s New Bark Deterring Collar.

You can visit his author page here.

***SpamWar update: 48 hours…1191 comments, I’ll be thrilled if one percent are legit…seriously….looking for 12 people who wrote “I read your article about the death of music and have determined that you are a retarded, godless, sickening freak-troll and I hope the next car that hits you finishes the job (by that I mean you dying), sincerely etc etc…” See in this comment you can tell the reader has not only read the ARTICLE, but that he/she has also read enough to know a li’l bit about me! I would post that comment unedited and thank them for visiting. “I really like your site! This is the kind of content I have been looking all over the internet for. I added you to my blogroll, my rss feed and have told all my friends to do the same. Outstanding work!!!” Best Regards, MyShittyApplianceRepairBusinessInNorthCarolina.com….this is what bogs me down here…*sigh*…so I decided to post FIRST before I delve into the shitpile***. -T

 

 

Upgraded Web tools for your favorite blog ….

So this POS weblog began as a gift from a generous family member and was designed and built using an iPod Touch 4th gen. (A gift so wonderfully bestowed by my loving mother to while away the bedridden hours in and out of the hospital on youtube and FB ….youtube for fun and FB to reduce the phone calls and well-placed-well-intentioned-but-also-overwhelming amount of calls I needed to field as so many fans, friends, colleagues and loved ones (rightly so…) reached fits of panic all 22x I went under the knife to repair my thrashed body (which pretty much works now..heheh). It was easier to put an update on blast: “Back from OR…not dead…cranked full of demerol and ativan…feelin nice, surgery was a success, often accompanied by a photo of my leg or arm next to that day’s LA Times as proof of life. Better than fielding 50 phone calls, to which had it continued, my surgeon would’ve ripped the phone out of the wall as stress–> HBP—>panic—>return to ICU—> surgery failure or even cardiac arrest or seizure. If you think Dr. Wilkins would allow friends or even family to even move my stress level up one iota with his experimental right leg on the line …then you don’t know how hardcore Dr. Dub is about his patients and his creations.

So the iPod was great and kept me sane for a long time … it just was no good for Web Design, or Web Editing, which I do over on a great site called www.answers.com.

On this site I am pleased to have started as a Contributor, quickly promoted to Editor-at-Large and recently promoted again to Supervising Editor and am now the Resident Journalism Expert. A humble honor. I am far better at improving other people’s words than writing original ones of my own, so to my 1800 dear readers I thank you for hanging in there with me (see WIPs entry and feel free to rqst topics in the comments…I live to write for you, dear reader-no topic is off-limits and if there is something you wish to know more about, I’m happy to provide).

To provide better content for you and better service to Answers.com, I bought a Chromebook and it worked until the charger and relay took a shit, to which [again…] blogs and repair shops alike said “$100-$200 to solder the relay and btw, it will take four weeks to fix”

Smelled bullshit and it was…the one true thing is that the Samsung Chromebook is built with a flimsy and weak adapter that slides into an equally fragile and tiny relay in order to derive current and charge the battery much in the way an impotent asian man would try to fuck his virgin and equivalently asian bride on their wedding night…not exactly a strong connection. What? You got a non-racist metaphor have at it….THEY BUILT THAT POS!

Ok so I fixed it once, but when it happened again I decided the following things will no longer hold back this Web site, or my Web editing or my ability to get online and do my thing:

1. Macintosh and their faggy updating OBS hustle to force/con/scam/arm-twist customers into upgrades (needed or perceived-as)

2. “Netbooks” that only run http….such a waste and so much you can’t do (or can but it’s made complicated by needing every damn procedure or function to happen w/in a Web browser).

Today (unbelievably) thx to the most scandalous vendor location of the most scandalous vendor site known to the Web : Craigslist Orange County (Where 60 percent of goods are stolen, 70 percent are methamphetamine abusers and 10-30 percent are OCSD tracking stolen property, setting up stings and busting people who jack everything from tools to bikes to tablets to (use your imagination for other crimes infesting this little meth-head corner of Craigslist…) I DID FIND, a local who is about to upgrade his laptop, doesn’t need the one I’m now posting on, it is NOT STOLEN and he gave me a VERY FAIR price. It’s an Acer Aspire, plenty of Ghz and RAM and Gigs…Windows 7, and everything I need to keep bring you the bullshit you love.

This sweet laptop could be collecting dust in some guy’s garage…instead it is helping me bring you all the best in writing, stories, idiocy, social criticism, research, news…and [likely] for it’s first time…it now gets to say things like “cunt” “nigger” or “AIDS” in public.

God Bless The 1st Amendment and God Bless Free Market Capitalism. Fag.

Much love to my favorite reader-you, -Tap.

Prepare yourself dear reader…

Why do you read my site? Why is your iPhone setup to push-notify whenever this site updates?…I know why. Most of you are highly educated, intelligent, open minded and appreciate quality artwork and you like my writing style. To that I am eternally grateful. I am very surprised and appreciative of the way this site has grown. We welcome new visitors from Indonesia, India, Greece and the consistent flow and growth from the americas, Japan and Europe. It has NOT attracted a single hit from the continent of africa, which is fine cuz you fuckers from Nigeria bomb the fuck out of my gmail, you are NOT WELCOME HERE, but I will keep spamming the shit out of you everytime you hit me with that retarded bank account scam. Everyone has seen The Ambassador on Netflix, you scandalous motherfuckers. I used to be able to fry a motherboard over an intranet. if I ever figure out a way to do it over the internet I’m coming after motherboards in Nigeria and The Central African Republic straight up. You don’t deserve comm technology with few exceptions, you use it to scam rob and fuck with each other and the rest of the world. If I could hit the entire continent with an EMP that would take every single machine offline pending lengthy and extensive repair I’d do it in one second despite the collateral damage.

You know who pisses me off more? You spam comment retards who try to sell your SEO that no one wants and/or your blog that no one reads. People actually DO read this site…I love my readership so you spammers I’m declaring war on this web hit fishing comment scam. I post for my readers and you waste about 10 percent of my time on here going thru and deleting your bullshit so now your fucking with my readers AND the site and the content. Dont be surprised if your “kind and thoughtful” fucking scandalous transparent “compliment” looks different on the site … I mean one was just trying to get me to plug his SEO, but for some reason he posted something horrifyingly racist. There’s another SEO spammer who is a kid-toucher idk why he keeps telling ME that…but I may approve one of his comments so you can see how sick he is. I’m also approving some of them so I can reply to the shitheads I want to publicly call out.

ACTUAL READER: the comment section is going to get worse b4 it gets better. Idk how a laptop could give its user AIDS but I wished it and other STDs on a few of them. I allowed a woman to plug her (likely) porn site but in my reply I called it fatbitch.com. We will push the limits of the english language when we attack spammers so fair warning the comment section is now NSFW, will contain racist comments, misogyny, sexually offensive and or disgusting language etc. Anything I can think to offend them. the only thing I wont do is go to their site.

I recommend that you not click on the link I will let through to be fair regarding my sick replies. That is what they really want. most of them have 20 readers max. There are 1500 of you and more everyday.  You make me a better writer and encourage my creativity everytime you visit and I got mad love for you. You already know my humor is not for everyone and pushes boundaries of language, taste, etc. (and you like it you sick fuck! many of you are chicks too…good god) anyway I’m going to come up with the worst possible things you can say about another person but also keep it funny and interesting (otherwise what’s the point? Just shit piss fuck suck cock ass tits bitch nigger kike bitch pussy cunt fagget beaner spic cocksucker motherfucker etc and just re-arrange? No if I am able to create the most awful and entertaining insults ever written it will be partly cuz of your support and partly the great comedian-thinkers who came before: Bill Hicks, Carlin, Eddie Murphy, (cant think very far back in time right now so; ) Billy Red Face, Jim Norton, Louis C.K. Bob Levy, Jim Florentine, Joe DeRosa, Amy Schumer and Bob K—..ohhh wait NOT YOU!   RIP Patrice O’neal, we miss you big dog! (you can support the family of the late Patrice O’neal by purchasing his last comedy special, “Elephant in the Room”)

Craigslist snapshot: men seeking women headlines in Orange County…lulz/roflcopter

Have you ever heard women say that men are dumb?

True or not…a cursory glance of classified ads posted TODAY and selected randomly do not do much for our credibility as “intelligent” (perhaps the blood drained out of their heads when they posted).

Note: links not posted out of courtesy, headlines are posted to the public domain and are protected under fair use…I mention this cuz I will post the head and then trash it for being idiotic.

1. Married for Married; seeking love outside of marriage [what? you wrote the same thing 3x, the subject makes zero sense grammatically]

2. Free Car Free Car OC […]

3. Looking for sencure woman [awww…. he means SECURE! I almost feel sorry but no sorry you are a fucking ‘tard]

4. Do you need help with bills? I need friends w/ benefits [I guess this isn’t dumb but isn’t that the exact same thing as “I will pay $ if you fuck me”?]

5. Handsome and hung for busty cougar [if you were and you were, you would not LEAD w/ that…I’m sure the “cougars” will line up for you bro!]

6. Want a casual time w/ someone also paranoid about CL? [so you either have the clap or you want someone who also does…or you want to wrap yourself in reynolds wrap before you round 3rd base. Fucking creepy and cryptic headline dude!]

7. Looking for stretch marks on BBW or prego [not dumb but informative. this is a thing. learn everyday, I guess, wtf?]

8. 420 friendly for 420 friendly [circular logic – [If I’m 420 friendly…in what universe would I not allow my partner to be? Better toke something else dingbat!]]

9.  My favorite: I have a lot of booze and 420 [are you impressed? he has Bud Light and Schwag! Sounds like a big money hustler to me!!!!]

I’m embarrassed for my gender.

-T