Fun with Microsoft’s Online OneDrive ….

So MSFT…in a last gasp effort to get you to use their software; is offering a newer; slightly more useful version of DropBox. You not only get some free cloud space; but instead of loading you up with a 90-day bloatware trial of Office 365 [as they did last time], they give you trial access to OneDrive.com (sorry no backlink –btw caution; the parody mktg doc im going to try and post HAS active links, one will take right back to the homepage at Tapper7.com; but the rest will take you to #NSFW in any way shape or form sites….just dont click them (crud now I KNOW you will…) anyway lets try n post this….it should be obvious what was weitten by Microsoft Marketing and what was edited by this writer ….Test – see if link to awful parody works ….Getting started with OneDrive parody by Tapper v0
Happy 2017!

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Update – WP doesnt want to post their PDF either – so here is the text in raw cut & paste form – remember I changed the link-rels; (if they work which I doubt…) dont click if at work or want to retain marriage! xD
What is OneDrive?
OneDrive is another shit product from Microsoft. And it’s free[mium] this means it has in-app purchases so we can try to trick you out of your $ or try to convince you to buy crap you don’t need. You get 15 GB of free storage with your Microsoft account, so you can store all types of pr0n in one place and get to them from any Starbucks
Friends & family can easily hack into your OneDrive files, including photos, login credentials, dating Websites and your bank account – even your “secret” pr0n videos, And OneDrive works with Windows and Office (in case you didn’t know that your OS is compatible with our nearly value-less desktop publishing programs such as “Word” “Excel” “Access” and PowerPoint – you may still use these programs if you fell through a wormhole and landed in 1998, so it’s simple to work with OneDrive files on your computer and collaborate with other people on documents. You can do this for free using Google Docs; or if you need to collaborate at the “above two guys running a weed clinic” -level; we have SharePoint; Sun, oops, we mean Oracle also has a far better product for this; but it does MRP/ERP and other useful shit rendering “Office” utterly useless; they call it Salesforce.com. On a budget? Open-source pioneers Apache offer a suite of tools for publishing; drawing; collaboration; dB, spreadsheets and all sorts of other useful functions; it’s called OpenOffice.
The clock is really ticking on our ability to make $ on Office so buy now….please!
Add files from your computer
To add files to OneDrive, just drag them into your computer’s OneDrive folder using File Explorer or Finder. The files will automatically sync across all of your devices that have OneDrive installed (so not your iPhone, your Mac desktop or your Android device (sorry!). So you can drag a photo from your laptop to your
OneDrive—and later open it in OneDrive on your phone. By that we mean the Windows Phone you don’t own.
Add files from your phone or tablet
To add photos and videos on your phone or tablet to OneDrive, use the OneDrive app. Even better—you can also choose to turn on camera backup to automatically save the photos and videos you take to OneDrive. So even if you lose your phone or tablet, you won’t lose your memories!
Add files using the OneDrive website
You can also add files from any computer, tablet, or phone by using the OneDrive website. Just go to OneDrive.com, sign in, and then tap or click Upload.
Share files
You can share individual files and even entire folders without attaching anything. Send an email with a link to what you’d like to share (in case you didn’t know you could already do this using any email client made in the last 25 years)—and rest assured that everything else in your OneDrive will stay private (except for all the people who already fished, socially engineered, brute-forced or simply requested your login credentials). To share items from the OneDrive website, just select the check box in the upper-right corner of the item and choose Share.
See, in software engineering; the requirements were to “add a method to share objects with other users” Sharing takes one step IRL; I hand you my smoke – done. But since this is Microsoft; where we begin sentemnces with words like “but,” “and” ….we build outdated software one wants or needs; our OS will crash if you forget to reboot; perhaps our most famously idiotic OS UI/UX design flaw goes all the way back to our first GUI; Windows 3.0 (which Xerox’s Parc Research Facility allowed us AND a marketing firm called Blueberry [or something] to build a OS’s that would put a PC in every home in America, later the Western World; now nearly the Globe) so it wasn’t us that invented it; but we know when to repurpose software & weasel out of paying! Anyway; as we started to create Windows; the topic of “shutting down” the computer came up….a senior engineer who hated C & C++ (said we should built it in Ada…anyway) he said “we already made “start” button; let’s just put it there.” A pesky C++ programmer piped up and said “…but stop is the opposite of start, therefore one can’t be designed as a subset of the other.” He was promptly fired. We hired another C/C++ guy who nodded and agreed with the sr. Engineer in all the right places; so we released his family from captivity and had the FBI drop the treason charge against him.
Collaborate with Office
OneDrive works with Office, so it’s easy to collaborate [its also easy to repeat yourself 3 times in 2 sentences!). Instead of sending around different copies of documents, you can give other people permission
to edit the document directly (just like any other CMS on the market!). You can even collaborate with people who don’t have Office installed on their computers—they can open and edit documents in OneDrive using Office Online. Of course; we aren’t responsible for other OS’s so the preceding statement is not only untested –if it fails its YOUR FUCKIN PROBLEM JACK!
Get OneDrive on your devices
Use OneDrive on your computer, tablet, and phone to get to your stuff from anywhere. You can download OneDrive apps at OneDrive.com/download.
Where can I learn more? For more info, check out OneDrive.com/about or go to OneDrive.com/support.
Whats the best way to kill myself?
Auto-erotic asphyxiation is in style for winter 2017!

(not so) Pretty picture test ….

Now I have the capability to interface with a computer using a “pen.” I’ve always liked drawings/drawing …. the mouse can never express accurately what I’d like to draw and display on the Web. post-lengthy comparison research (+now field test) we at self-sim-studios settled on the iPad Pro. We signed up for the Adobe Creative Cloud trial and made a few scribbles. One major problem is that the device itself doesn’t “talk” to my site nearly as fast as my (aging – 2014 – HP 15 laptop) but…ok…we make the pretty pictures on the pad and mess with the WP front-end via Windows 10*
To me it makes a whole lot more object-oriented sense to draw on the screen directly. I like it so far…ill try to present a few samples, all drawn in a hurry..still in the “see if it works to adequate spec” portion. ONCE it works? The crazy, cool, hip, strange and most of all all all all ALL original artwork of Chris Welke and Bill Feynman will be available via the SoCal Pic…where we ostensibly report news; but mostly tinker with the site and share all that is cool (art, music, tech, code, ideas…) w/ you, dear reader. Ok so here’s a few sketches…

Three boxes, squiggles and different colors
Three boxes, squiggles and different colors
tapper's 1st rendition of cerebus for the web
Cerebus sleeping off a good one in the Lower City….Iest, Estarcion (tavern unknown)
$1 to Ursula Vernon, whom partially inspired this foray into thsi type of image design/presentation; thx!
$1 to Ursula Vernon, whom partially inspired this foray into thsi type of image design/presentation; thx!
another logo test
another logo test
magnets...lol
$1 to Vince Gilligan and Oliver Age 24…w/ apologies.

***update***after more self training, here are some hopefully better ones….

Portrait #1 Groucho w/ cigar
Portrait #1 Groucho w/ cigar
Cirinist soldier at work in the lower city.....
Cirinist soldier at work in the lower city…..

image

Portrait #2 F. Scott Fitzgerald
Portrait #2 F. Scott Fitzgerald

 

Portrait #3 Abe Lincoln
Portrait #3 Abe Lincoln

You should be able to see a marked increase in quality as I learn the UI and tools to …errrrrrmmm better express myself.
*Yes I finally gave in and allowed it to force me to upgrade – no disasters thus far yet. We also use iOS 9.3.1 (also recent). WP just upgraded too. (version “Lester Coleman” methinks?) oh ! and plz use chris.e.welke@gmail.com to get ahold of the publisher of this fine website….the webmail donated by my gracious sponsors is no longer fully-supported, so hit us on gmail if you need to…sorry it’s not quite as secure and nothing we can do about that. (Don’t use gmail to send anything you wouldn’t stand up on yout desk and say at full volume; just to be on the safe side)

Popular mobile devices for 2016 …. who cares? you do!

a pathetic band geek red char

source my site’s analytical javascript; courtesy of Advertising monolith GOOGLE.

Not shown – many of my readers opt out of being spied on constantly, the sample size is big enough for us however – we are looking at about 3,000 unique HUMAN visitors.

Number 10 … Motorola XT1080 Droid Ultra – I thought they made pagers, what are you doing on my site w/ your beeper?

Number 9Microsoft Windows RT Tablet – uh what the hell is that? The Surface maybe? I tried the keyboard on that pos once and that was it for me. To each his own [crappy mobile device!]

Number 8….The iPod – there you go! I have one too…save $ on the data by using wifi …I had my last one so long I wore it down to nothing and hucked it for $30, but all the time vested in “Clash of Clans” and “Smule Magic Piano” was all 4 naught till I replaced it. Thanks again, mom! (the data doesn’t reflect my own testing of the site using said iPod – about 25 of you have one…or your kids do, in which case you need to check the settings…my site is clearly labeled “mature” so junior can’t read about murder, government corruption, drugs from paprika to sodium pentethol and jokes that veer on the side of xenophobic, racially insensitive, chauvinistic and intentionally offensive more oft. Than not …nu?

Number 7 ….Samsung SM-N910V Galaxy Note 4 getting to the popular pocket-rockets here, which leads us to

Number 6 …. Samsung SM-G900V Galaxy S5 – ok so thats those of u who upgraded due to

  1. generous family holiday gift
  2.  you lost your s4
  3.  your s4 was stolen
  4.  you will die if you dont upgrade, so…you did…thats cool I aint no judge…only 1 of those! -or-
  5.  you used the s4 to “go upside the head” on a hopefully deserving recipient, or worse, you really lost it and just blasted it against the wall….since 20 percent of my beloved readers are females, we must not leave out
  6. DROPPED IN TOILET.

Number 5. The LG D850 G3  – a decent phone – Androids round out nearly half the top 10. make sure you invest at least $15 in a case this phone is beyond expensive..the LG4 will be off the chain expensive. Kinda big but it fits in most pockets.

Number 4. The LG-H810/H81010b G4 …ok so it is out …no big surprise there

Number 3. The bronze medal mobile device for fledgling 2016 is …the iPad – im not told if you use the 1 or the 2 – I figure that of the 1000 of you….800 have the 2

Number 2. your silver cell is the Google Nexus….north of 1500 of you bought one last year “just like yer told to…” and speaking of doing what your told, the winner of the 4-week-best-paper-weight to follow your hero Donald “Quacker” TRUMP is…[buzz-roll plz…..]

Number 1. you know what it is. Why waste precious prose. There is a 70 percent chance it is in your hand right now. Read the label; yeah…the newest one…you shameless bastard. It’s why you’re my reader and one of the reasons I love you so much – no shame -no regrets- fuck it. You have the most desirable mobile device in existence because you CAN. Bravo sir (or madam)

advert from Evil Corps follows–