Wow. You ever seen a hashtag blow up so fast? I don’t know if you were jerking around the filthhole we so lovingly call twitter that night…if you weren’t….#donsterling was scrolling so fast on my iPod I couldn’t even read the tweets…it popped to the top of Google Trends like a teenager with some scante and the pswd to his Dad’s favorite wank site. On my end? I couldn’t even open the fucking APP. PERIOD….’round ’bout midnite.

Unlike most of you….on the uhhh….”internets” ….I was NOT jerking off that night, I was thinking.

Hard to believe.

Who the fuck is Don Sterling? The Clippers? LA? Something about hypocrisy? Racism? TMZ?

And then it hit me.

<<<Rewind: one decade>>>

Location: 

AKA Crack Alley.

So WTF was a lace-curtain OC-raised and SLO-educated Jew-boy like me doin’ on possibly the most notorious stretch in the city (Not counting Florence and Normandy, whose McDonald’s parking lot I’ve wasted countless hours in…)? Well w/o defaming myself too badly…Let’s just say I’ve crossed paths with Ironman down there…more times than either of us would care to admit.

So I’m sitting on the corner…nodding. Nearby a crack-whore is blowing a dude…sharps litter the sidewalk…a few blacks are drunk and a fight breaks out across the street. Men and women from all walks of life are shooting dope and smoking crack. In broad daylight. It is high noon.

An LAPD black&white rolls by…sirens blaring….followed by an ambulance….we all heard the shots, but nobody even blinks (certainly not me). The fight just grows, hustlers, dopers, pimps, pushers, dealers, hoes, … even the rats just go about their business.

More rollers. Beat cops don’t have time to mess with dope and blow jobs when ALL of them are working Robbery/Homicide straight out of the academy. They even used to have a saying, “Just another dead nigger in the street.”

Good God! what does all this have to do with Donny, Tapper?

Wait for it.

Ahem….”Lofts”

Part Two coming soon: “Slumlord Millionaire”

spc thx 2: Cal Poly Journalism, Clear Channel, Don, Vince and the rest of my ppl…even the ones who shame us…Don and SELF included.


Chris Welke

"walk into the club like what up? I got a big cock!" -Macklemore

1 Comment

Jose · August 16, 2014 at 6:29 pm

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Also I was recently arrested for child molestation…for some reason I cannot stop touching little boys. Also I have AIDs.

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