Publisher, site & Cast placed on 30-day hold by Administration ….

Yes, Mr. Welke is a straight up J-cat 5150 18-wheeler on 17 flat tires TRUCK, coming to halt via e-brake, shifting into low, swervin [Durbin!] and hopefully coming in for clean landing amidst a runaway truck mound. Jerry’s easy Tenor will lighten the moment before the CHP places mne in 4-point restraints in a [hopefully] tastefully-buttoned up hospital gown. Methinks this JG classic was playing when they found the rig.I likie the ones with the blue dots.
TapCast, now finally with fresh builds of Audacity, WP, FFmpeg Encoder & libmp3LAME.dll just ejected 2 new casts to let you know the ICU found its blood type ….O-….. the tracheotomy was successful and it will slowly revive, as did this writer in 2012. You can actually place this mess via iTunes, but for you ‘ultimate lazys’ out there I have an important question; ‘do you like Huey Lewis & The News?’
Associates & ***Performers/Staff at Impulse!*** get at me via email chris.e.welke@gmail …. the undisclosed location where Q-list celebs (me) and fmr. A-listers (Miley) wear robes, play footsy, drink coffee, talk at each other re: ‘where it all went wrong’ wont be of much help. its secure/discreet/private & as a journalist i’d rather you not violate anyone’s privacy besides moi. My drop-dead-gorgeous Suicide Gurl/gf/friends/w/benefits ‘Nic’ 1st stayed there about 11 yrs ago and the clientele was shocking. Did you watch the Academy Awards? Ok folks..there they are, the bvig ass black dudes, theyve got as straight jacket…mmm..mmmmmph!!!!
eeeee yuuuuuuu exxxxxt unnnnf!!!!!! Eyerra ssss nnnn ugleeeee ffft piyyyyg!!!! uuuuussshhhhh idddddd n-eye-nnnnnn eeeeelevennnnn!!!! Rrrrrumpo is uBer eeeeyond ay……ay…..mmmmm! AY….ummmphf _AYYYY!!!!! [ok cmon psycho it’s quiet time, we don’t waste Mr. Drew’s time do we?] ‘then why did he hire two n-OOOOOOFFFF!!!!’
If you clicky I money….can you do this fucking once for me?


Before they pull it! A Mis Abuelos with the Belgian dude!

Concierto! Other Spanish stuff. Bueno!
I saw this finals performance live with Stinky (great Euph player) we’d just about had enough BD/SCV/Cavs/PR/GF/Bones by that night, burt we didnt miss out on a chance to hear this one just 1 mo gin….s#!t A Drum Corps Fans Dream, part Dos yo!,

Testing WP 4.7.4

a recursive forest snap 1

When you sneak away to your favorite site, do you have any idea what happens when, say, you googled “Cal Poly” and my site cane up? Here’s a primer; and it helps us test that the update can at least, …. well…. update. Most of the info contained herein will only be useful if you find yourself on Jeopardy, or @Who wants to (whatever)”….maybe even not then, but you will learn, possibly be entertained and hey, we still have unsolved murders in SLO. Anyway before I get all deep and sad like. Data regarding your sites, the tools, the useless info, th tasteless jokes, the usual. You ordered it!

A spreadsheet I hope is readable
JavaScript
What is it? An object-oriented scripting language. Event-driven, loosely based on Java.
It is functional and imperative to the Interwebz.
Who created it?
Brendan Eich designed it for Netscape in 1995. Volunteers at mozilla.org, other sites and individuals have since expanded the language
What languages was it inspired by?
Java (duh), C, Perl,Lua, Scheme, Python, AWK too many to list.
What languages credit it for inspiration?
ActionScript (Adobe), JScript (Sun nee Oracle), CoffeeScript, Perl 6, .NET, Objective-J (that’s not a typo) QML, again too many to list.
Why is it so popular?
Netscape marketing cleverly piggy backed on the name of the right
Web language (Java, a fully functional language that runs servers, cars, street lights, toasters, you name it. >3 billion pieces of crap made in China run Java) *also*
It allowed for Dynamic Hypertext Markup….see how your FB feed and likes pop up likes and posts w/o
refreshing the page? Yeah, they invented that 20 years ago in Mountain View.
Also, without getting too technical, it runs on YOUR device, making it faster.
What about MariaDB? I know about MySQL and Google’s Big Data, but….(?)
From en.wikipedia.org “MariaDB is a community-developed fork of the MySQL relational database management system intended to remain free under the GNU GPL. Development is led by some of the original developers of MySQL, who forked it due to concerns over its acquisition by Oracle.Contributors are required to share their copyright with the MariaDB Foundation.” I paraphrased out some of the detritus. Tech Geeks it’s on GitHub.
What the heck is Hack? Keeping it simple, a scripting language ready-made-to-order for PHP 5 and Facebook…. also you cannot define local variables (if that makes no sense to you it’s cool just move on….)
Go? It’s from the wizard programmers at Google. A language and two compilers. They’re trying to keep all the good things about c/c++/Java and improve the rest. It makes BitCoin transactions faster, nuff said?
Erlang? A language you’ll likely never deal with unless you work at a server farm. Users clutter up intranets and networks, Erlang is a good janitor. Programmers can hot swap data; changing stuff without crashing Outlook. It’s made for real time systems (like when NASA tries to safely land a Mars rover, or when a million people try to watch the Game of Thrones preview at once). You don’t need to how…. that’s pretty much graduate level compsci and anything past the fundamentals are way past the scope of this clip.
Voldemort(????) a distributed data store that holds key values (IDs) from the good folks at LinkedIn for high-scalability. Yeah…. they named it after a Harry Potter character.
That’s all for now dudes and dude-ettes. *Phew* I did this whole post on an iPhone.

Due Diligence for readers – new ad categories allowed per Google optimization suggestions ….

    As you may know, we here at the Pick deny advertisers from Google’s ad-universe for a variety of reasons–

  • Ads for any product or service that is a scam or appears “scammy” (certain online universities, too-good-to-be-true and the like …)
  • Ads containing visually unappetizing imagery or text (pictures of foot fungus, or weight-loss “comparisons” or “shaming” pix = image of a grossly obese & scantily clad person, yech!)
  • Organizations that interfere with the publisher’s morals or ethics (stalker apps, Penn State ….)
  • Any product that disguises itself as a clickable portion of MY PAGE (despite my compliance and strict adherence to adequate labeling/positioning/sectioning away from legit content…)

The featured image (above) shows a snippet of data you won’t be able to read unless you are a Google client, employee or Ad-partner (like us!). In it, I’ve continued to deny online gambling ads. Gambling is by far the worst and most damaging — to self and those close — of all the addictions. Worse even, than cigarettes or alcohol. Today, I’ve allowed “downloadables” which I presume is “freemium” content, like Clash of Clans or Candy Crush. “South Park” did an episode on this, entitled “freemium” [if memory serves] if that word sounds like guttural French to you, well, it kinda is, but if it MEANS no more that something guttural in a dead language, I recommend Trey Parker & Matt Stone’s take on it to explain. I see no ethical issue [downloads are usually free, the extra content, levels, truncated wait-time is available for purchase if you are wealthy, extremely impatient or extremely gullible ….] As election 2016 approaches, being a media outlet, I’ve opted IN to “political ads” if you’ve seen my awful caricatures, listened to Bill’s rants on TapCast or read my #RNC2016 coverage & editorial, you’ll know that this writer is not a fan of Trump…but this is ‘muhricuh…dammit! I’ll defend his right to plaster “Make America Great AGAIN” all over ever single ad unit on this site if he wants…that’s free speech 101.
If you ever see an ad that offends you, is in poor tastes, looks “scammy,” or represents an organization, institution you despise,take the time to leave a comment. If we agree I’ll ban the shit out of it, promise!
to do list for this site

  • update to wp 4.6 (must backup custom php 1st)
  • posts – [with original artwork!] re- election, the economy, career choicers, investment projections, fresh ideas and the two new languages we are hip-dep in Swift and R
  • design – ongoing [wip] updates
  • learn to create a child theme + tutorial
  • more regular and higher quality podcasts, possibly including original music [stay tuned!]

Orange-u-glad-u frequent a site where the publisher goes out of his way, not only to keep content fresh, original, timely, interesting and worth that 15mins/day where you have nuthin better to do, but keeps the site secure, updated, continually upgrades design, appends how-to’s regardin’ CMS and front-end-webdev where applicable…but is also are excruciatingly anal about 3rd party content. Hopefully the political ads and “downloadables” are not too ugly — all ads are subject to ban, same with blacklisting of the organization/companies they bleed from at any time for any reason. here we go kids, below is a footer style ad that ostensibly will not offend your (or MY) delicate sensibilities.




*****update – the 1st published version of this post contained a poorly-drawn picture of a human foot with big nasty looking toes, therefore the advertiser was susequently banned, sorry if you had to see that. The biz seemed legit, but no ugliness on my aesthetically-pleasing site consarnit!!!!

HAPPY LABOUR DAY – PS CHRIS W. IS FOR HIRE! GET AT him USING THE COMMENTS, VIA SM OR text the BUSINESS LINE IF YOU ARE LUCKY & POSESS IT

(not so) Pretty picture test ….

Now I have the capability to interface with a computer using a “pen.” I’ve always liked drawings/drawing …. the mouse can never express accurately what I’d like to draw and display on the Web. post-lengthy comparison research (+now field test) we at self-sim-studios settled on the iPad Pro. We signed up for the Adobe Creative Cloud trial and made a few scribbles. One major problem is that the device itself doesn’t “talk” to my site nearly as fast as my (aging – 2014 – HP 15 laptop) but…ok…we make the pretty pictures on the pad and mess with the WP front-end via Windows 10*
To me it makes a whole lot more object-oriented sense to draw on the screen directly. I like it so far…ill try to present a few samples, all drawn in a hurry..still in the “see if it works to adequate spec” portion. ONCE it works? The crazy, cool, hip, strange and most of all all all all ALL original artwork of Chris Welke and Bill Feynman will be available via the SoCal Pic…where we ostensibly report news; but mostly tinker with the site and share all that is cool (art, music, tech, code, ideas…) w/ you, dear reader. Ok so here’s a few sketches…

Three boxes, squiggles and different colors
Three boxes, squiggles and different colors
tapper's 1st rendition of cerebus for the web
Cerebus sleeping off a good one in the Lower City….Iest, Estarcion (tavern unknown)
$1 to Ursula Vernon, whom partially inspired this foray into thsi type of image design/presentation; thx!
$1 to Ursula Vernon, whom partially inspired this foray into thsi type of image design/presentation; thx!
another logo test
another logo test
magnets...lol
$1 to Vince Gilligan and Oliver Age 24…w/ apologies.

***update***after more self training, here are some hopefully better ones….

Portrait #1 Groucho w/ cigar
Portrait #1 Groucho w/ cigar
Cirinist soldier at work in the lower city.....
Cirinist soldier at work in the lower city…..

image

Portrait #2 F. Scott Fitzgerald
Portrait #2 F. Scott Fitzgerald

 

Portrait #3 Abe Lincoln
Portrait #3 Abe Lincoln

You should be able to see a marked increase in quality as I learn the UI and tools to …errrrrrmmm better express myself.
*Yes I finally gave in and allowed it to force me to upgrade – no disasters thus far yet. We also use iOS 9.3.1 (also recent). WP just upgraded too. (version “Lester Coleman” methinks?) oh ! and plz use chris.e.welke@gmail.com to get ahold of the publisher of this fine website….the webmail donated by my gracious sponsors is no longer fully-supported, so hit us on gmail if you need to…sorry it’s not quite as secure and nothing we can do about that. (Don’t use gmail to send anything you wouldn’t stand up on yout desk and say at full volume; just to be on the safe side)

wip – new stylesheet – it look weird it works better …

A pic of songs

soon it will work great.
here in the midi I just developed for drum & bugle corps hornline…
Hornline Etude “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down On Me” by Tapper7
the design will improve asap and another tapcast is in the works.
To be fair – below is an ad you most likely will not click on.
se la vi!



we upgraded WP to….um…I forgot – fixes, hacks, glitches and howto’s will be found here if the update causes more than that basic problems. or leave a comment and ill show u how to fix it. -t

In all fairness to the #OCSD …..

sandra and company, i added text parodying an ad for old fox cops tv show, saying you can watch them fuk up live every morning on fox..also "eat a dick"

Doung be not gone ….much to this ol’crime reporter’s surprise, he DID hole up in the Little Saigon portion of OC. Due to the heavy coverage (this story has everything that makes an editors mouth water; max-security prison-break, foreign-nationals, forieNERS, illegal aliens, drugs (even though only weed), Kubrick-caliber violence (& sex if you believe the ESL teacher who is a solid 7….was f-ing “the hot one” as Shannon (Gary Hoffman’s hole on KFI) calls him…shining a light on a bureaucracy, society, culture and jail would just assume you fk off. The Orange Curtain is a real thing* anyway due to heavy media coverage, a white van was spotted near the Bay Area….and the concerneed citizen called the po-po. Two of the three were living out of it, were arrested w/o notable incident and since returned to the dungeon we lovingly call CJX.
as for Duong, he smelled the pinch and gave himself up (got more plans up his sleeve? maybe he had time to get blueprint tatted on…like in that show you all watched…) Lit a ciggy, waited for the Cavalry and lie prone; face down as nervous-nelly sheriff’s deputies prayed it wasnt a trap.
This reporter made predictions and was wrong; so let me clear up the scenario I gamed out and what was incorrect.

correction

  1. Doung never left the county, state or country (or continent)
  2. his buddies went NORTH; this writer predicted SOUTH
  3. all three men are in custody                                                                                                                                                                                what did I get right?
  1. distance – I predicted a 1000 mile radius from 500 n. flower. downtown SF is a solid six-hundo from the OC MAIN proper, so I call “closies enoughsies”
  2. NO ONE in OC talked to law enforcement (of their own volition; that i know of)
  3. OCSD reacted in the only way they know how following a hail Mary – arrest Vietnamese unscrupulously
  4. it is alreday unclear if/how/how much the reward $ will be dispersed
  5. coverage was big, but waning and sparse; ocsd lucked out big
  6. *unwanted attn. was drawn to CJX, OCSD, OCDA, OC Media
  7. *the story highlighted all that is wrong where local time = 2/7/1956

I’m way overdue to hash out the social, racial, cultural, financial fucked-up-ed-ness in the place I grew up in and live now….the stuff listed in the OP ..I will get to all that (Vietnam, Vietnamese Refugees, the Vietnamese People [they are commendable in every category]…WHY orange county is polarized from progressive neighbors Los Angeles and San Diego…and other learn-something-new-everyday tidbits I have for you about my sometimes home!
This may be the most poorly researched new/op-ed ever, but piling on this story is overdue…so consider that this post is a WIP and that more posts on-topic are coming down the pike …albeit at a modest speed.
From listening to KFI while awake enough to drive [for all intents & purposes] I gathered that something went wrong somewhere along the way for Duong, the towel-wrapper and “the hot one”….

somewhere along the way they jacked a cab…and the cabbie

problems arose when one of the alleged escapees took issue with “what to do about the cabbie.” -now- dear reader, I’m not a violent guy, you [hopefully] aren’t either, but let’s game out this speedbump, with the goal = “get away clean and don’t get caught”
First, carjacking is a bad idea unless it was hard-wired into the initial escape design.
ASSUME it was. –> that means IF (Cabbie sees any of their faces) THEN (Probability of escape drops to nil)
WHY NIL? THEY were on every channel, news website and paper for a week. It’s reasonable to assume that the cabbie will not only dial 911, he will say “it’s them, the three guys from the jail-break.” that’s game over. not an option…..considering.
THEREFORE we must backup and play this as we would our next chess move….or in comparative probabilistic gaming, whether or not to hit an 11 in blackjack. SAD, cold-hearted, but choice = obvious. as they say in St LOUIS; the only thing left to do with the Cabbie is “La-la” [that’s ebonics for what they call a “double-tap”] “La” kills about 90 percent of it’s victims at close-range… “-la” takes care of the outliers. SO – w/ the above assumptions, the decison to whack the cabbie isn’t really a decision – no more going all-in w/ a flush is a “decision” ..it bums me out and I’d be agreeing w/ the alleged others w/ heavy heart, but this was a no-brainer.
There are worse things than “la-la” – nutsack in mouth + blowtorch x left to die in the 909, for one.
Apparently, the escape fell apart when one of the alleged decided he didn’t want to “La-la” the cabbie. Events subsequent to this disagreement seem to be why the trio became a solo act w/ a duo headlining in The Castro…why Doung eventually turned in his dong peacefully and why the Iranian/Vietnamese duo act wasn’t a hit in SanFran…where the Denver Broncos & The Carolina Panthers are battling it out as I write. (mille pardons, I bet $4 on two punnit squares) other than that idc who wins…Peyton Manning is amazing, but still he will always sound like a cornfed retard to me.

I intend to record a new tapcast soon. We updated to WP 4.???? so ive already torn up and rewrote a great deal of php….once again…design is a wip. the main page’s header and footer(dot-php) are essentuially donesky. -tap

PS – new friend site – The Corpsman Geek, from friend/associate Kevin Gamin. Scope it out. K’ has/had a big hand in DCP, so if you enjoy or enjoyed that site; obviously his new sites subject matter is right up your … uh … alley!

advertising supports this site…see below and find out how much Google’s been spying on you—-


Another full redesign is in-process *Caution* Man working ….

I’ve decided to strip down the style and design of the site again. I’ve only just now (after a week on & off) felt satisfied with the new albeit temporary…presentation of this particular node on the Web.
I’ve written a heavy amount of PHP and CSS again, though they are not technically “programming languages” per se, they ARE subject to almost as many quirky dependencies, rules unique unto themselves; which are inviolable and require extensive research and testing to deploy. Hopefully you will find the site a bit more pleasing to the eye, faster, more secure, more responsive and easier to navigate.
In the meantime it is only fair to announce that we are officially “under construction,” so if you see something strange over the next few days, that’s my fault…. I’ve tested about half the “use cases” (things you might do, read, watch, listen to, click on or use in some form or another). Earlier today, the music uploaded to the private section of the site and the archived prototype podcasts vanished, they were unplayable due to bad PHP writing on my part.
I’m 90 percent sure you can watch all videos, listen to all music, podcasts, read all posts, view all artwork/snaphots/pix, read my stories, search the site, click on links and find the content you are looking for easily, quickly and regardless of device, OS, browser, ISP and service type (4g, 3g, WiFi, Ethernet, Cable, DSL …..). Before I drift off tonite, You can be certain that all of the “common use cases” are functional and that within a week, the lesser-used functions (commenting, guest-posting, all sidebar tools) work exactly as you’d expect them to.
Still on the to-do list is MORE formatting and design of the 2015 style and theme…. an audit of all media on the site (delete unused pictures, audio, video, dead links and raw text-data) an audit of all advertisers being served via Google AdWords to ensure compliance with our ethics and MY morals plus an audit of page-load speed. This will include a further dress-down and rewrite of JS, CSS, HTML and PHP. *Phew*
Thank you for hanging with me throughout your tenure as a reader! I’m working on some devastatingly interesting podcasts, stories, news, editorials….and maybe even a decent joke. No promises about bringing the funny, but you KNOW I always try!
For those about to waste time on the Web at The SoCal Picayune (or whatever sites you’d rather NOT acknowledge… “WE SA-LOOOOOT YOU!!!!!!!!!” -Ed

In the meantime, for testing and shameless promotion why not check out one of my soon-to-be-audited, yet generous sponsors? If the redesign is going well, an advertisement will display below, if you visit them, you help to support the site and me personally a great deal–no obligation to do so, or even to LOOK at one of my ads. As part of a long-term promise, there is nothing for sale on this site, so when I hint-hint-wink-wink-wink-nudge-nudge ask you to check out a sponsor I am NOT endorsing their product or suggesting that you spend a penny. A few seconds of your time however…I must confess, I do suggest as an easy way to support those who keep the site running, the hardware it runs on and the crazy publisher that does WAY more work on it than he should. *Ahem* wink-wink-nudge-nudge -From the Publisher’s desk with love, C “T” W


How to remove unwanted footer display and links in WP (and PHP, HTML) ….

This is a rehash of a previous how-to, but now that us WP “developers” have updated to v4.3….some of the unwanted PHP scripts and other junk may have returned to our sites. Let’s fix it fast–right now! In my case I prefer to get rid of the footer materiel that plugs a) the theme OP creator and b) WordPress itself. Why do we ditch PHP scripts that form the backbone of what the audience sees when they go to our-self-aggrandizing-website.com?

  1. Personalization – my site should contain MY approved content, especially links to 3rd parties
  2. Ownership– no one needs to know that my site is “powered by” ANYONE except ME, my associates and (mt)
  3. Control – anything viewed on my site NOT expressly approved by the publisher is unprofessional
  4. Anonymize – no one needs to know (or cares) that The Picayune runs WP or it’s reliance on a PHP template

Let me elaborate on Ownership – this is MY SITE! MINE MINE MINE! Pride is NOT a sin in the creative and technical world, 3rd party link-stingers at the bottom of my pages say, “you may enjoy this site but REAL credit goes to the open-source Web development firms that wrote some code running in the background.”
^^^^ F— them. The publisher built this site from nothing, the publisher
bashes his head in over every post and pixel, the publisher marketed the content and developed a loyal audience….THE PUBLISHER obeys all US Media Law and applicable media ethics…THE PUBLISHER creates original, rich, deep, informative, occasionally funny content… THE PUBLISHER was approved for Google Adsense almost a year ago. NOT WORDPRESS and certainly not a theme developer who’s code only loosely applies to what I still call “The Socal Picayune WP Theme 2015.”….so now that we’ve made updates, let’s try a quick how-to on what I call “WordPress footer anonymization.” Last time we had to re-write the “<>” (HTML & PHP browser directives) to “[]” as the “code” markup in WP 4.1 (or was it 4.0?) would glitch out, the WYSYWIG interpreting the brackets inside as real, despite the fact that the “code” (I’m still weary of using brackets for that word till the following test….) ostensibly tells your browser – “The following characters are all plain text – display them AS WRITTEN” — return to normal HTML when “/code” appears. For HTML beginners, this is the same as a bold command in a word processor. In a markup language a directive tells the browser what to do with incoming strings of text. Here is the simple example:

BOLD
— the rough equivalent of [strong] BOLD [/strong] –or– (b) BOLD (/b) ….again I’m using arbitrary beginning and ending brackets instead of “<” and “>” so as not to confuse the post the site will generate. Essentially in markup symantics, the directive %strong% indicates a change to the input string; the %/strong% (<—note the fwd-slash) indicates it is over. Ok…let’s give this a try… If WP 4.3’s WYSYWIG editor STILL bugs out on the “code” markup, I will post a snapshot this time instead of replacing all the greater-than & less-than symbols with ‘[‘ & ‘]’sTEST! 

  1. Dashboard –> Appearance –> Editor –> open footer.php
  2. Make a local backup copy of “footer.php” in case you screw it up
  3. delete or comment out the code snippet pictured below
  4. Update file (this will recompile the site with updated PHP script)
  5. Visit site – (for QA/QC)

*UPDATE* “code” does not work w/in a WP post – It’s likely that the markup itself is followed by another markup using the less-than ‘<‘ sign – this exception is either not coded into WordPress’ WYSYWIG editor or fails on the front-end of common browsers. I really don’t have the interest to solve this, so here is a snapshot of the code I removed:

//coment_out or delete

Let’s note what I removed in ditching the above:

  • A banner link to WP.com (or .org….)
  • A banner link to another webdev’s site

Let’s note what I DID NOT remove* (you won’t want to either. Directly above the call to a footer class, there is this command – “…do_action(‘generate_after_footer_widgets’);?> This fuction will return widgets embedded at the bottom of the page; MY content, so it stays. In my case, currently there are three footer widgets here– a plug for my fledgling podcast, links to other pages on the site and a calendar.

This test was successful on previous versions of WP v4 and is currently working no problemo on WP v4.3 running on a reliable server courtesy of Media Temple.
If you find the content here informational, entertaining, laughable or get SOME form of enjoyment out of it, you’d be doing us all a great big favor by checking out one of our generous sponsors. As always, there is no need to buy anything…not from me or any site plugged by me ever, but browsing Google Adwords-audited sponsors is of no danger to anyone. A banner ad may or may not appear below – the WP 4.3 testing continues….

Here is a less Object-Oriented example…this Stylesheets’s “original” author, or OP as I called one above, wrote so much unwanted junk AND script-kittied (nee plagiarized) so much of other’s that he mentions it’s “OK not to link to my site in the footer, but credit appreciated.” Sorry…. f— his “credit” take a look at the code:another footer removal example

Ok so as a courtesy you can see some names were changed and the Web site is bogus. Exercise: What PHP and HTML can we safely comment-out or outright delete?  To give you a hint this code will generate the following at the bottom of your page:

BlahBlahhoohooblahh 2015 WordPress Theme by www.someUnwantedBacklink.com Another Boring Theme

(another thing worth noting is that function ‘.date(“Y”)’ in this case will read the date from your computer, extract the year as a 4-digit integer and print it using the style defined for <p> in the stylesheet, I say this because it may not be 2015 when you read this and I don’t want to confuse anybody)

Ok…..ready? Here is a KISS-simple solution to wipe out all that nonsense (or rewrite/replace it with your own…link to an associated page or your client, whatver’s clever, You strip this down to:

</footer> </body> </html>

TaDaaa!

Is any of my content helping? If so…could do me a solid and visit one of my generous sponsors? I could really use the help. You don’t have to buy anything….that is part of The SoCal Picayune, Self-Similarity Studios and Tapper7.com promise: ads are clearly labeled, separated from site content and no financial obligation is ever expected of audience members. That said ….

*A note for beginning front-end developers: If I need to tell you why >? was not deleted, this is perhaps too advanced a tutorial – be careful not to remove /body or /html at the end of the file — again — make a BACKUP before changing HTML/JS/PHP etc. inside your page or it could be kablammo; you won’t destroy the site, but you WILL take it down and need to FTP as an administrator and swap out the PHP file to get your site back up. Unless you have unrestricted access to the backbone of your site … this will lead to a call for tech support from GoDaddy or whomever you use…and who the hell knows how long that will take? Learn as much about PHP, FTP, mySQL, HTML, CSS, JS and common contruction tools like Website Builder, cPanel and WordPress if you are a small operation – it will save you time, $ –and trust me it’s NOT COMPLICATED. These are not programming languages, they are scripts and applications – if you can put together a mean-looking Power-Point; you can do this!).
More posts, stories and podcasts coming soon, -t. []

New content coming soon…. btw wtf is WP v4.1? ….

Chevy Chase as Clark Griswold tests his xmas lights handiwork

Heh… ain’t I just an SEO whorin’ out little bitch? —inserting a question I KNOW lots will plug into GS just to get you to come here….I really am a hypocritical douchey lonely loser zilch.
Uh….anywayz….I added that calendar widget to the right-column and noted I’d not updated in a week.
Well. Shit. So here’s a post. People ask me how I feel this time of year. I think the collective creativity of Terry Zwigoff, The Coen Bros., Billy Bob Thorthon and Frederick “Fucking” Chopin sum it up pretty nicely:

Get your shopping done? Got any $ left? Did you donate or hook up any homeless people?
whatever…should I even pretend to care when my real readers know that I’m moody this time of yr and don’t give a Fizzuck. They also know how I got mad love for ’em. Yeah…I’m talkin to you; in Los Angeles, The Central Coast, SD, SF, SJ, Santa Clara, Campbell, Stockton, Sac-town….Chi(“Shy”)-town….Austin, Rockford, Worcester, Milwaukee, Detroit, Tampa Bay, the East Coast of FL. Louisiana, Mizzuo, OK, Penn. Upstate New York especially Syracuse.
Mad love for Laguna Beach and Seattle. Dana Point, SJC and San Clemente. South County Style.

To my bad-ass readers all up in New Jersey, Maryland, Ohio, Indiana and Virginia.. My readers in Washington DC, Japan, Spain, Portugal, The United Kingdom, Canada, Mexico, Colombia, The Former USSR including the Ukraine….where I’ve never mentioned but….that’s where I’m FROM. readers there: we are kin. blood. Someday…we celebrate Chanukkah together. In your honor I’ve included some idiotic map gifs…do NOT THINK THAT I FACT-CHECKED data contained therein….I was just browsing for fun-stuff on 4chan. NO NOT THAT! OK…but it wasn’t on THAT PARTICULAR occasion, k? Sheesh….

a map of north america and walmart locations

Love for the randoms from Brazil who keep comin’ back. I don’t speak Portugese or know sh– about your country/culture, but I appreciate it when you visit…Brazil: “huge shout out to Brazil….huge shout out.”
The Cal Poly San Luis Obispo material is ON HOLD pending publication of The California Register, there are recent developments in the ice-cold Kristin Smart case. Go theere for details. Once that edition drops I will release hordes of info, anecdotes, stories and shit-talking on my good ol’ alma mater.

    Expect lots of tech-notes as I dive head-1st into:

  1. JavaFX
  2. Windows 8.1 hacks, tips, tricks, cheats, shortcuts, mudkipz, you know the drill
  3. WordPress v4.1 – migration, CSS, PHP, blah blah….
  4. How to – Optimize your Web site for mobile devices
  5. The usual security loopholes; how to sew ’em up and which holes not to step in
  6. Scams: who what where why how—-as always, served fresh
  7. Seven. Cuz This is  Tapper7.com. it’s 7x the TAP Muthaf—!

The more I learn, the more you will. I’ve got so much unpublished content I don’t even know wtf to do with it.
As always…My creative and technical services are available at a discount for readers of this Web page. Oh, I never said that? Well they are. Hiring managers: I’m avail @ $0/hr for 1st 90 days, risk free PLUS $2500 tax credit from The State. Inquire w/in for details.
On That Note: this is an excellent opportunity for me to to shove an advertisement all up in your face.
After all…what would Xmas be w/o advertising….specifically sponsored Sponsored Links? If you enjoy me, or this Web site, or any of the content I manage to assemble. Then… for the holidays, I would say if the ad below legitimately peaks your interest, that you visit their site. You’d be doing me and my sponsors a massive favor:


Will post again soon. till then…let’s get the fade on get DOWN yo! Happy Holidays EVERYONE. &heart -Tapper
a gif of moe from the simpsons
I Bend Them....Bender gif
a map of north america
Sponsor:

Special thanks for supporting Tapper7.com to the advertiser found above ^^^^ ****Update:(If it works…I rewrote the Javascript again (FEB 2015)) …even though I’m not supposed to f— with their code…whatever..like I care right?

Open during construction….

a memeorial poster showing Japanese Zeroes dropping bombs on PH.

Some slides, just cuz…

  • \
  • With Pooh Bear. RIP Big Bro....
  • 1997 Santa Clara Big Bores with Dean Westman and Jeb.
  • 96 VK Big Bores. RIP Ray Arias.
  • 1994 CVHS Leads
  • With Alisha....04 Banquet
  • Me n Michelle, in MS
  • Tapper n Joey B!
  • Me n Bill Watrous
  • Me n Beetlejuice
You could say this writer’s been pretty busy….you could say this writer sits on his ass all day. Whatever the case may be, the priority has been write a decent editorial for The California Register and setup/configure the hardware and software this li’l creative project known as Tapper7.com is going to need moving into the future.
I recorded episode zero of Season 1 of the Tapper7 Podcast. It’s not suitable for primetime or late-night, but I thought it was fun to make and once I figure out the specifics of creating a [1400px X 1400px] graphic and configuring the RSS feed I’m just gonna drop the m-fer.
So….if you are one of my valued readers in San Luis Obispo County….check your mailbox. You might see an editorial written by some idiot named “Chris Welke.” **UPDATE** Breaking news in the Kristen Smart Case has forced the editorial staff to place the holiday edition ON-HOLD ’till January.
“Expect us.” In your mailbox next year. We are NOT anonymous.
I had to scrap the PHP for this site and we’re…sort of starting from scratch. we ARE doing a full-on redesign.
For now it’s simply choosing a theme — I made a few customization’s, the site WORKS. you can read/access the information presented here…especially if you are a new visitor and end up here as a result of my upcoming piece in The Register and want to know a li’l more about the subversive, OCD, schizoid pseudo-intellectual known as Chris Welke.
Please make use of the comment section on any article if you want to throw me under the bus, compliment me or threaten to kill me…..I love comments. I publish them unedited.
Not counting spam, which has not gotten past our security ONCE since September. It makes creating content a trillion times easier but also throws off-would-be commenters. You can always hit me up direct w/o all the CAPTCHAS and math problems by sending an EMAIL (I know…) to:

chris@tapper7.com. If you would like your note to appear as a comment, you MUST wade through my system … as SNL called it back-in-the-day, this is a “ruining it for everybody” situation and I apologize on behalf of India and Red-state spam-bot builders who r—- the comment section on this site.
Follow the links regarding My Dearly Departed Better Half if you are interested in contributing to my/her work….after all…Dominique deserves all the credit. I learned to report at Poly…Dominique taught me how to WRITE. This time of year
….I really really really REALLY MISS HER BAD.
If you want to support this Web site…scope out the sponsors you see peppered around here. It’s easy to do, you don’t have to buy anything from them….just…check ’em out, you might even find a great holiday gift. Afterall, the algorithm matched ME and MY CONTENT with YOU and your known preferences. Google knows more about you than YOU do…so why not let them help you shop. Think the algorithm knows it’s neary Xmas and that you still have gifts to buy? Is that the dumbest f—ing question ever?
Forgive the awful aesthetics seen here while I put the finishing touches on more pressing WIPs.
Lots of music reviews, movie madness, tech reviews, cringe humor and the prose you hate to love is coming back on a regular basis with a vengeance so don’t trip-out on that dear reader.
“We” (I keep acting like there’s a team behind this juvenile artistic endeavor) will also be presenting a year-end tech review…we’ll pay tribute to all the devices that were damaged, lost, destroyed or taken prisoner (clipped) in the line of duty to bring Tapper-creative content straight to your dome all year long.

…a personal thanks to the people BESIDES ME who really DO help make it happen and the bloggers who qualified for my upcoming SHORTLIST: Tapper7.com’s “Blogs that don’t suck 2014.”

I’ve reviewed almost 4500 blogs this year for comparison, education and because I get REALLY BORED and LONELY sometimes….regardless, I’ve located about five…..FIVE!!! Count ’em FIVE blogs that are informative, creative, original, have a nice design, are NOT a scam and NOT completely full of shit.
We will honor and highlight those blogs because, well this is MY blog and I’m the shot-caller HERE if nowhere else….I also want to spread “the good-good” since all year I mostly just put “the all-bad” on f—ing BLAST.”
We MAY also put businesses, Web sites, people and places on BLAST for f-ing me, someone else or society over…just to stir up some s—.
….haven’t decided what to call THAT list yet.**UPDATE – Negative articles ON HOLD till holidays close, be ready though, this list would make my ol’ neighbor Dick Nixon VERY PROUD.” (Except for the not-keeping-it-a-secret-part). F— it.
No matter…thx for YOUR patronage most of all. If you enjoyed this site in 2014 – 2015’s going to keep you informed, entertained and maybe even laughing, SLIGHTLY MORE THAN 2014 DID!

There WILL be lots of music and movie-related comment and commentary.
The Podcast WILL launch or I’ll die trying.
Drum Corps will be visited and revisited and beat to death as usual.
If law enforcement fucks with me, you or anyone else, I WILL REPORT IT. Just like 2014…OCSD ON BLAST! (Nice time to shoot a black guy at HOLLYWOOD AND HIGHLAND BTW ….fucking LAPD man…..)…let’s get all mixed-up in the NY/Boston/Chicago/St.Louis race-baiting-racist-above-the-law-COP-fucking BULLSHIT cuz in LA….things go GREAT when the black population [overtly shit on constantly] loses their collective tempers, doesn’t it? hmmmm?
Rodney King, Watts, … Reginald Denny’s brick-to-the-kisser at Florence & Normandy? Yeah…let’s DO THAT AGAIN.<–sarcasm
OCSD, LAPD, SLOPD, OCDA, SLODA….you suck. [MOST OF YOU]: You’re awful. Incompetent, Incapable, Corrupt, Racist, Trigger-Happy, sneaky, full of shit and I sincerely hope you get AIDs in 2015 if you haven’t been diagnosed yet.
Oh yeah…that’s what I wanted to say…especially with the ultimate demise of The OnA Show and the fervor with which all humorists miss one of our own…one of our best. He’s black too. <= and would’ve loved that joke.
Patrice O’Neal…RIP Big Dawg. In HIS HONOR-THERE WILL BE AIDS JOKES.
And to the Japanese high command that bombed the hell out of Pearl Harbor 73 years ago…how’d that work out for ya? Get a nice face-full of Oak Ridge Laboratories and The United States Marine Corps? Ya DID didn’t ya?

Semper Fi.