Publisher, site & Cast placed on 30-day hold by Administration ….

Yes, Mr. Welke is a straight up J-cat 5150 18-wheeler on 17 flat tires TRUCK, coming to halt via e-brake, shifting into low, swervin [Durbin!] and hopefully coming in for clean landing amidst a runaway truck mound. Jerry’s easy Tenor will lighten the moment before the CHP places mne in 4-point restraints in a [hopefully] tastefully-buttoned up hospital gown. Methinks this JG classic was playing when they found the rig.I likie the ones with the blue dots.
TapCast, now finally with fresh builds of Audacity, WP, FFmpeg Encoder & libmp3LAME.dll just ejected 2 new casts to let you know the ICU found its blood type ….O-….. the tracheotomy was successful and it will slowly revive, as did this writer in 2012. You can actually place this mess via iTunes, but for you ‘ultimate lazys’ out there I have an important question; ‘do you like Huey Lewis & The News?’
Associates & ***Performers/Staff at Impulse!*** get at me via email chris.e.welke@gmail …. the undisclosed location where Q-list celebs (me) and fmr. A-listers (Miley) wear robes, play footsy, drink coffee, talk at each other re: ‘where it all went wrong’ wont be of much help. its secure/discreet/private & as a journalist i’d rather you not violate anyone’s privacy besides moi. My drop-dead-gorgeous Suicide Gurl/gf/friends/w/benefits ‘Nic’ 1st stayed there about 11 yrs ago and the clientele was shocking. Did you watch the Academy Awards? Ok folks..there they are, the bvig ass black dudes, theyve got as straight jacket…mmm..mmmmmph!!!!
eeeee yuuuuuuu exxxxxt unnnnf!!!!!! Eyerra ssss nnnn ugleeeee ffft piyyyyg!!!! uuuuussshhhhh idddddd n-eye-nnnnnn eeeeelevennnnn!!!! Rrrrrumpo is uBer eeeeyond ay……ay…..mmmmm! AY….ummmphf _AYYYY!!!!! [ok cmon psycho it’s quiet time, we don’t waste Mr. Drew’s time do we?] ‘then why did he hire two n-OOOOOOFFFF!!!!’
If you clicky I money….can you do this fucking once for me?

Before they pull it! A Mis Abuelos with the Belgian dude!

Concierto! Other Spanish stuff. Bueno!
I saw this finals performance live with Stinky (great Euph player) we’d just about had enough BD/SCV/Cavs/PR/GF/Bones by that night, burt we didnt miss out on a chance to hear this one just 1 mo gin….s#!t A Drum Corps Fans Dream, part Dos yo!,

Testing WP 4.7.4

a recursive forest snap 1

When you sneak away to your favorite site, do you have any idea what happens when, say, you googled “Cal Poly” and my site cane up? Here’s a primer; and it helps us test that the update can at least, …. well…. update. Most of the info contained herein will only be useful if you find yourself on Jeopardy, or @Who wants to (whatever)”….maybe even not then, but you will learn, possibly be entertained and hey, we still have unsolved murders in SLO. Anyway before I get all deep and sad like. Data regarding your sites, the tools, the useless info, th tasteless jokes, the usual. You ordered it!

A spreadsheet I hope is readable
What is it? An object-oriented scripting language. Event-driven, loosely based on Java.
It is functional and imperative to the Interwebz.
Who created it?
Brendan Eich designed it for Netscape in 1995. Volunteers at, other sites and individuals have since expanded the language
What languages was it inspired by?
Java (duh), C, Perl,Lua, Scheme, Python, AWK too many to list.
What languages credit it for inspiration?
ActionScript (Adobe), JScript (Sun nee Oracle), CoffeeScript, Perl 6, .NET, Objective-J (that’s not a typo) QML, again too many to list.
Why is it so popular?
Netscape marketing cleverly piggy backed on the name of the right
Web language (Java, a fully functional language that runs servers, cars, street lights, toasters, you name it. >3 billion pieces of crap made in China run Java) *also*
It allowed for Dynamic Hypertext Markup….see how your FB feed and likes pop up likes and posts w/o
refreshing the page? Yeah, they invented that 20 years ago in Mountain View.
Also, without getting too technical, it runs on YOUR device, making it faster.
What about MariaDB? I know about MySQL and Google’s Big Data, but….(?)
From “MariaDB is a community-developed fork of the MySQL relational database management system intended to remain free under the GNU GPL. Development is led by some of the original developers of MySQL, who forked it due to concerns over its acquisition by Oracle.Contributors are required to share their copyright with the MariaDB Foundation.” I paraphrased out some of the detritus. Tech Geeks it’s on GitHub.
What the heck is Hack? Keeping it simple, a scripting language ready-made-to-order for PHP 5 and Facebook…. also you cannot define local variables (if that makes no sense to you it’s cool just move on….)
Go? It’s from the wizard programmers at Google. A language and two compilers. They’re trying to keep all the good things about c/c++/Java and improve the rest. It makes BitCoin transactions faster, nuff said?
Erlang? A language you’ll likely never deal with unless you work at a server farm. Users clutter up intranets and networks, Erlang is a good janitor. Programmers can hot swap data; changing stuff without crashing Outlook. It’s made for real time systems (like when NASA tries to safely land a Mars rover, or when a million people try to watch the Game of Thrones preview at once). You don’t need to how…. that’s pretty much graduate level compsci and anything past the fundamentals are way past the scope of this clip.
Voldemort(????) a distributed data store that holds key values (IDs) from the good folks at LinkedIn for high-scalability. Yeah…. they named it after a Harry Potter character.
That’s all for now dudes and dude-ettes. *Phew* I did this whole post on an iPhone.

MyEmojiBio ….

By GA production artist Gwen Carrington….the following is a biography of this writer in Emoji-only form. Not bad. Write one about someone else…. do you know enough to hit the highlights of their life via symbology (
Here’s my life through someone else’s perspective using emojis as pallete…..

By Gwen C.
By Gwen C.

A little holiday music…..

Chevy Chase as Clark Griswold tests his xmas lights handiwork
Happy Holidays from Bill Feynman, Chris Welke, Steve and SNAFU from the home office on Los Angeles, CA. These tracks are available to stream until 1/2/17. We are busy as fuck as I’m certain you are as well dear reader/listener. Let’s make 2017 so good as to make 2016 feel like 2015. Together. &heart. The Publishers Desk at Self-Similarly Studios, Lonely Faction Productions and The SoCal Picayune.
*to be updated asap WIP*

Processing Javascript test ….

a snap of the src

//shoots red green & blue lasers from bottom of fram to top
//or surface-to-air Star Wars anti-Communist anti-satellite
//laser defense sys emulator in 2d
//inspired by TRW Research (active per local eyewitness 10/17/16
//IP Tapper@ssstudios LA,CA
//global vars
int bluelxpos = 38;
int bluelypos = 398;
int laserwidth = 6;
int laserheight = 188;
int redlxpos = 200;
int redlypos = 366;
int gnlxpos = 325;
int gnlypos = 333;
int framecount = 0; //for testing & frame-tracking
void setup(){
frameRate(120);//default fr x2
void drawlasers(){
fill(38, 38, 200);
rect(bluelxpos, bluelypos, laserwidth, laserheight);
rect(redlxpos, redlypos, laserwidth, laserheight);
rect(gnlxpos, gnlypos, laserwidth, laserheight);
}//end drawlasers
void draw(){
//shoot lasers up
fill(38, 38, 200);
bluelypos--; //delta y blue laser
rect(bluelxpos, bluelypos, laserwidth, laserheight);
bluelxpos = (int)random(1,399);
bluelypos = 398;
}//end if
redlypos--; //delta y red laser
rect(redlxpos, redlypos, laserwidth, laserheight);
redlxpos = (int)random(1,399);
redlypos = 366;
}//end if
gnlypos--; //delta y gn laser
rect(gnlxpos, gnlypos, laserwidth, laserheight);
gnlxpos = (int)random(1,399);
gnlypos = 333;
}//end if
}//end draw

Reader Knowledge Test One – CompSci 101/Math and weird test …

This is a test in more than one way, I’m trying to see if I can create different sorts of tests, have the server grade them and issue results, perhaps [later] even a custom badge to prove you passed. If you are a regular reader of this site, there is a good chance you know a bit of science, electrical engineering, math[s] and therefore; computer science, that lofty endeavor that sounded like a great thing to major in [since you like video games & are good at math] but became questionable after you’d written your 2 millionth line of code a few years later. If you’re like me it was overkill, it made you hate C/C++/Java/Java(something) to the point of changing majors. Fifteen years later though, after an appropriate break from it all; the numbers (ints, bytes, floats, doubles, shorts, longs, unsigned longs, signed longs, real, imaginary, rational,irrational, natural, transcendental*) the abstract data types (list, stack queue..) the procedures (void goFuckYourself(Object UselessObject)), the functions (int foobar(){return 42;}) the Integreted Development Environments (IDEs), Dev Kits (JDK, SDK..), Runtime Environments (JRE….) Libraries (the STL, .h files you wrote yourself, import someCoolObjects, #include ….they all became intersting again. Well, if you’re ever going to finish that CSC project you never could put together, that problem you could never solve, that cool program you never had enough time to write…well you’re going to have to review the basics.
The first test will be OUR first “test of the test” so all the answers will be Integers; for the math guys, lets call this “all the natural numbers less than the largest int allowed by the Java Runtime Environment, which is ~= 65,000. That is, 1 is a valid answer, 1.5 is not (that’s a Rational number or a “float” in computer speak), 4 is valid, -4 is not (IndexOutOfBounds or, -4 < 1). 60,000 is valid, 70,000 is not (70,000>65k)…get it? ok let’s start with a review of our number systems; Base 10 (the one humans developed because we have 8 fingers and two thumbs), Binary, (developed by humans to represent an extremely low voltage as opposed to”slightly more than an extremely low voltage…we also developed it millenia beforehand the answer to an unambiguous yes/no question ie “are you wearing clean underwear right now — you either are or you aren’t, there is no in-between, it is also the unambigous result of a test — pass/fail, true/false…using numbers it is a Base 2 system; that is all numbers are represented by a 1 or a zero) and Hexadecimal (a Base 16 system developed as short-hand for Binary Numbers, 0 – f, commonly used today to define colors in RGB-Space)

CSC 101 Math test

This will test your ability to understand the basic math and number systems that any (well most) with a compsci 101 equivalency can answer with relative ease;
don’t think too hard (that’s a clue)….

weirdness follows; a wip

are you a level 99 empath?

this is a far more legit and adequate evaluation than you will find …weighted or ‘more correct’ answers will be far more obscured.
extremely sensitive empaths will score highly regardless. if my test shows you are at a mid to low level, dont consider that a problem. trust us, this ability is
a gift and a bane. it would be nice to connect with other maxed-out-leveled empaths. Especially those who don’t have a book, a program or some voodoo shit
for sale. this site and this test is all about making human connections. I don’t want your $, but I need your attention (even though it drives crazy sometimes, both lack-of and overload….) *sigh*

Style and Code is under construction + Advertiser Audit is in process….

please note that this site may look strange until I have time to tear up the code and test it. in the short-term we wanted all multimedia files to be accessible; in my efforts to customize the footer.php file, the site became deprecated and robbed me of my ability to post certain content, especially music. I noted a bit of renewed interest in the 2007 Kingsmen Alumni Corps, of which I recently located a rare recording, so I cut up “Mambo” (feat. my boys Phil Norris on Soprano and Carl Allison on Baritone). I’ve sacrificed “pretty-looking-and-the-way-I-like-it” for “It works.”—–cant be posting links to music that you cannot see, click or listen too! in the meantime plz bear with the weak-sauce styles, colors, frames…all that good stuff I will spruce up asap. In the meantime I banned two questionable advertisers. No offense but if you want to “spread the word of” *ahem* “JeBus” you can do it somewhere else <------not misspelled see "the simpsons go to [some 3rd world country]" We don't want your money. This is a Los Angeles Jewish-controlled-Media site, as it should be. We are slightly left-of-center. To correct speakers at the RNC 2016 we are not atheists, nor do we “worship Lucifer.” We believe in God. we look at it quite differently from all Christians, this does not mean we have anything against any religion, it just means that this site is primarily a news/tech/commentary blog with an emphasis on design, art, music and editorials. It is not a place to hand out church fliers. The web is a big place….ostensibly, please consider 99 percent of the content to be secular in nature. thx -the publisher, Los Angeles, July 2016
*UPDATE* NUCIFIC.COM also banned – reason – asynchronous multimedia ad featured the truncated backside of an overweight woman in a white “bikini” (…..) bottom. It offended my delicate sensibilities and I wonder who would find the mystery product and/or service appealing BASED on the unappetizing image. Sorry but images of big fat asses (not even my own) are as red flag, especially on a site devoted to aesthetically-pleasing images, media, art, design, code, logic, prose …. and music. apologies if you saw that ad.
Four separate Christianity-based advertisers got banned along with “dookie bootie” on 7/21 & 7/22/2016 for poor taste and misalignment with the design and ethical standards of The SoCal Pic

That said hopefully the advert below is appropriate for me, you and all other readers/contributors/supporters of site. contact me at if you ever see an offensive or questionable advert put BAD AD ON YOUR SITE in subject line–I will review and get back.

Reverse pen-test or ‘Privacy Policy–under the hood’

Get user info and display. This post will grab your external (real IP addy) and display it below. I do not collect this data per my privacy policy but I am trying to reverse engineer the script that yanks out this data.

IP check

As a for instance, I can store the IP and write something along the lines of

//in address bar type:
print data to screen

This could wreak all sorts of havoc. This is essentially a new pen test. If it works; I’ll look for a patch. Btw; if you think the John Do test failed; think again. is NOT your IP, but if you want to see what your LAN (your network) looks like, just open a new browser tab, type …or something very close. That’s your internal IP. The first computer connected to it got the suffix “point zero” then as other computers boot, tablets, laptops and smart phones move within the broadcast limits of the router, they get internal adds assigned by the screen you may be looking at for the first time. You should be able to see….
Jaime’s Mac
MSOFT Sharepoint
MyCellPhone ….you get the idea. Oh you don’t have the password? Try “admin” and “password” ….you’d be shocked how often that gets me in. Also “guest” “guest” This info is provided so readers can protect their machines; not use them to spy on boyfriends or steal anything…period, ok? If you have sneak a peak at his cell phone? Sister you got problems already. He cheatin!