Usually I have time to find a WordPress theme that I KIND OF like, but then delve into hours of rewriting, deleting and adding my own PHP & CSS so a) the site doesn’t look like every other damn site on the Web and b) it is ideally remotely aesthetically pleasing, being that I claim to be some form of artist. This time it was not too hard to futz with the p-tags, the H1s, their colors borders, shading, typography, size, weight, etc you get the idea. I made a few other updates, 1) published another podcast literally to make sure I still new how to do it.
2) Gave the site a nice easy dark background.
3) removed hideous green and red text background colors I was using.
4) Made the main site image a screenshot of recursively generated forest scene, it draws something different and remarkably realistic each time it runs — and will draw more for every mouse-click. I wrote it in the Processing language in conjunction with another lover of random numbers and trees. I’ll post the code if I can find it.
5) Masthead appears as old-timey newspaper gothic image instead of cold, sterile title and site description. and
6) I posted this, so shut up.
Yes, Mr. Welke is a straight up J-cat 5150 18-wheeler on 17 flat tires TRUCK, coming to halt via e-brake, shifting into low, swervin [Durbin!] and hopefully coming in for clean landing amidst a runaway truck mound. Jerry’s easy Tenor will lighten the moment before the CHP places mne in 4-point restraints in a [hopefully] tastefully-buttoned up hospital gown. Methinks this JG classic was playing when they found the rig.I likie the ones with the blue dots.
TapCast, now finally with fresh builds of Audacity, WP, FFmpeg Encoder & libmp3LAME.dll just ejected 2 new casts to let you know the ICU found its blood type ….O-….. the tracheotomy was successful and it will slowly revive, as did this writer in 2012. You can actually place this mess via iTunes, but for you ‘ultimate lazys’ out there I have an important question; ‘do you like Huey Lewis & The News?’
Associates & ***Performers/Staff at Impulse!*** get at me via email chris.e.welke@gmail …. the undisclosed location where Q-list celebs (me) and fmr. A-listers (Miley) wear robes, play footsy, drink coffee, talk at each other re: ‘where it all went wrong’ wont be of much help. its secure/discreet/private & as a journalist i’d rather you not violate anyone’s privacy besides moi. My drop-dead-gorgeous Suicide Gurl/gf/friends/w/benefits ‘Nic’ 1st stayed there about 11 yrs ago and the clientele was shocking. Did you watch the Academy Awards? Ok folks..there they are, the bvig ass black dudes, theyve got as straight jacket…mmm..mmmmmph!!!! eeeee yuuuuuuu exxxxxt unnnnf!!!!!! Eyerra ssss nnnn ugleeeee ffft piyyyyg!!!! uuuuussshhhhh idddddd n-eye-nnnnnn eeeeelevennnnn!!!! Rrrrrumpo is uBer eeeeyond ay……ay…..mmmmm! AY….ummmphf _AYYYY!!!!! [ok cmon psycho it’s quiet time, we don’t waste Mr. Drew’s time do we?] ‘then why did he hire two n-OOOOOOFFFF!!!!’ If you clicky I money….can you do this fucking once for me?
Before they pull it! A Mis Abuelos with the Belgian dude!
Concierto! Other Spanish stuff. Bueno!
I saw this finals performance live with Stinky (great Euph player) we’d just about had enough BD/SCV/Cavs/PR/GF/Bones by that night, burt we didnt miss out on a chance to hear this one just 1 mo gin….s#!t A Drum Corps Fans Dream, part Dos yo!,
When you sneak away to your favorite site, do you have any idea what happens when, say, you googled “Cal Poly” and my site cane up? Here’s a primer; and it helps us test that the update can at least, …. well…. update. Most of the info contained herein will only be useful if you find yourself on Jeopardy, or @Who wants to (whatever)”….maybe even not then, but you will learn, possibly be entertained and hey, we still have unsolved murders in SLO. Anyway before I get all deep and sad like. Data regarding your sites, the tools, the useless info, th tasteless jokes, the usual. You ordered it!
What is it? An object-oriented scripting language. Event-driven, loosely based on Java.
It is functional and imperative to the Interwebz.
Who created it?
Brendan Eich designed it for Netscape in 1995. Volunteers at mozilla.org, other sites and individuals have since expanded the language
What languages was it inspired by?
Java (duh), C, Perl,Lua, Scheme, Python, AWK too many to list.
What languages credit it for inspiration?
ActionScript (Adobe), JScript (Sun nee Oracle), CoffeeScript, Perl 6, .NET, Objective-J (that’s not a typo) QML, again too many to list.
Why is it so popular?
Netscape marketing cleverly piggy backed on the name of the right
Web language (Java, a fully functional language that runs servers, cars, street lights, toasters, you name it. >3 billion pieces of crap made in China run Java) *also*
It allowed for Dynamic Hypertext Markup….see how your FB feed and likes pop up likes and posts w/o
refreshing the page? Yeah, they invented that 20 years ago in Mountain View.
Also, without getting too technical, it runs on YOUR device, making it faster.
What about MariaDB? I know about MySQL and Google’s Big Data, but….(?)
From en.wikipedia.org “MariaDB is a community-developed fork of the MySQL relational database management system intended to remain free under the GNU GPL. Development is led by some of the original developers of MySQL, who forked it due to concerns over its acquisition by Oracle.Contributors are required to share their copyright with the MariaDB Foundation.” I paraphrased out some of the detritus. Tech Geeks it’s on GitHub.
What the heck is Hack? Keeping it simple, a scripting language ready-made-to-order for PHP 5 and Facebook…. also you cannot define local variables (if that makes no sense to you it’s cool just move on….) Go? It’s from the wizard programmers at Google. A language and two compilers. They’re trying to keep all the good things about c/c++/Java and improve the rest. It makes BitCoin transactions faster, nuff said? Erlang? A language you’ll likely never deal with unless you work at a server farm. Users clutter up intranets and networks, Erlang is a good janitor. Programmers can hot swap data; changing stuff without crashing Outlook. It’s made for real time systems (like when NASA tries to safely land a Mars rover, or when a million people try to watch the Game of Thrones preview at once). You don’t need to how…. that’s pretty much graduate level compsci and anything past the fundamentals are way past the scope of this clip. Voldemort(????) a distributed data store that holds key values (IDs) from the good folks at LinkedIn for high-scalability. Yeah…. they named it after a Harry Potter character.
That’s all for now dudes and dude-ettes. *Phew* I did this whole post on an iPhone.
After pointing out so eloquently that this writer was a “typical pretentious trumpet” (yes you read that correct dear reader, he think I’m a small-bore-earthworm-shooter!) Doug-E-Fresh would roll over in his grave. *Aaaaaaaaanywayz……*
A GS of his name revealed the commonly-named man had died in a freakish homo-erotic asphyxiation incident a few years back.1 For those who don’t know, I refer you to the TV show “Six Feet Under” starring Michael C. Hall. Whom this writer met (name drop alert) at a Ralphs near Hollywood & Highland. Myself and my lady-friend were absolutely starstruck.
Picture your fav TV show. Burn Notice, Mr. Robot, Better Call Saul, Big Little Lies, Orange is the new Black…..then picture yourself in line behind them at RALPHS. What do you say/do? Nothing? Well dear reader I could not. After he paid for his goods; I got his attention;
“Excuse m-m-m-me, Michael?”
“I just wanted to tell you [remember this is ca. 2006-7] that “Dexter” is BY FAR the most well-written, well directed and produced series on television right now. My friend and I wait with baited breathe for the debut of each and every next episode. We watch it live whenever it airs.”
[surprisingly, he said] “:You know, not many people take the time to come up to me and say that…I work hard at what I do, what you just said means a lot….thank you”
1 notice. The story about MCH is real; the death of B. Gainer is not. It is as Mr. T would have it “fake news” you want fake? Ill spooned it to you; but it will be appropriately labeled as Editorial.
That is all; I could use your help so plz visit a link below. Are you BG? Take the SoCal Pick Challenge for enemies of the publication. 1)Get AIDs 2)Die 3)there is no step 3; rat. 1&2 till complete; thank you and merci beaucoup. -
Advert follows VISIT IT’S FREE!!!!!
ALSO PLZ NOTE WE ARE UNDER CONSTRUCTION ONCE AGAIN AS WP MADE ANOTHER UPDATE
So MSFT…in a last gasp effort to get you to use their software; is offering a newer; slightly more useful version of DropBox. You not only get some free cloud space; but instead of loading you up with a 90-day bloatware trial of Office 365 [as they did last time], they give you trial access to OneDrive.com (sorry no backlink –btw caution; the parody mktg doc im going to try and post HAS active links, one will take right back to the homepage at Tapper7.com; but the rest will take you to #NSFW in any way shape or form sites….just dont click them (crud now I KNOW you will…) anyway lets try n post this….it should be obvious what was weitten by Microsoft Marketing and what was edited by this writer ….Test – see if link to awful parody works ….Getting started with OneDrive parody by Tapper v0
Support our sponsor below – help keep The Pick running like a well-oiled ..err… ok I really mailed this one in – better content and a new podcast coming soon – we have new equipment here at SStudios. Woot!
Update – WP doesnt want to post their PDF either – so here is the text in raw cut & paste form – remember I changed the link-rels; (if they work which I doubt…) dont click if at work or want to retain marriage! xD
What is OneDrive?
OneDrive is another shit product from Microsoft. And it’s free[mium] this means it has in-app purchases so we can try to trick you out of your $ or try to convince you to buy crap you don’t need. You get 15 GB of free storage with your Microsoft account, so you can store all types of pr0n in one place and get to them from any Starbucks
Friends & family can easily hack into your OneDrive files, including photos, login credentials, dating Websites and your bank account – even your “secret” pr0n videos, And OneDrive works with Windows and Office (in case you didn’t know that your OS is compatible with our nearly value-less desktop publishing programs such as “Word” “Excel” “Access” and PowerPoint – you may still use these programs if you fell through a wormhole and landed in 1998, so it’s simple to work with OneDrive files on your computer and collaborate with other people on documents. You can do this for free using Google Docs; or if you need to collaborate at the “above two guys running a weed clinic” -level; we have SharePoint; Sun, oops, we mean Oracle also has a far better product for this; but it does MRP/ERP and other useful shit rendering “Office” utterly useless; they call it Salesforce.com. On a budget? Open-source pioneers Apache offer a suite of tools for publishing; drawing; collaboration; dB, spreadsheets and all sorts of other useful functions; it’s called OpenOffice.
The clock is really ticking on our ability to make $ on Office so buy now….please!
Add files from your computer
To add files to OneDrive, just drag them into your computer’s OneDrive folder using File Explorer or Finder. The files will automatically sync across all of your devices that have OneDrive installed (so not your iPhone, your Mac desktop or your Android device (sorry!). So you can drag a photo from your laptop to your
OneDrive—and later open it in OneDrive on your phone. By that we mean the Windows Phone you don’t own.
Add files from your phone or tablet
To add photos and videos on your phone or tablet to OneDrive, use the OneDrive app. Even better—you can also choose to turn on camera backup to automatically save the photos and videos you take to OneDrive. So even if you lose your phone or tablet, you won’t lose your memories!
Add files using the OneDrive website
You can also add files from any computer, tablet, or phone by using the OneDrive website. Just go to OneDrive.com, sign in, and then tap or click Upload.
You can share individual files and even entire folders without attaching anything. Send an email with a link to what you’d like to share (in case you didn’t know you could already do this using any email client made in the last 25 years)—and rest assured that everything else in your OneDrive will stay private (except for all the people who already fished, socially engineered, brute-forced or simply requested your login credentials). To share items from the OneDrive website, just select the check box in the upper-right corner of the item and choose Share.
See, in software engineering; the requirements were to “add a method to share objects with other users” Sharing takes one step IRL; I hand you my smoke – done. But since this is Microsoft; where we begin sentemnces with words like “but,” “and” ….we build outdated software one wants or needs; our OS will crash if you forget to reboot; perhaps our most famously idiotic OS UI/UX design flaw goes all the way back to our first GUI; Windows 3.0 (which Xerox’s Parc Research Facility allowed us AND a marketing firm called Blueberry [or something] to build a OS’s that would put a PC in every home in America, later the Western World; now nearly the Globe) so it wasn’t us that invented it; but we know when to repurpose software & weasel out of paying! Anyway; as we started to create Windows; the topic of “shutting down” the computer came up….a senior engineer who hated C & C++ (said we should built it in Ada…anyway) he said “we already made “start” button; let’s just put it there.” A pesky C++ programmer piped up and said “…but stop is the opposite of start, therefore one can’t be designed as a subset of the other.” He was promptly fired. We hired another C/C++ guy who nodded and agreed with the sr. Engineer in all the right places; so we released his family from captivity and had the FBI drop the treason charge against him.
Collaborate with Office
OneDrive works with Office, so it’s easy to collaborate [its also easy to repeat yourself 3 times in 2 sentences!). Instead of sending around different copies of documents, you can give other people permission
to edit the document directly (just like any other CMS on the market!). You can even collaborate with people who don’t have Office installed on their computers—they can open and edit documents in OneDrive using Office Online. Of course; we aren’t responsible for other OS’s so the preceding statement is not only untested –if it fails its YOUR FUCKIN PROBLEM JACK!
Get OneDrive on your devices
Use OneDrive on your computer, tablet, and phone to get to your stuff from anywhere. You can download OneDrive apps at OneDrive.com/download.
Where can I learn more? For more info, check out OneDrive.com/about or go to OneDrive.com/support.
Whats the best way to kill myself?
Auto-erotic asphyxiation is in style for winter 2017!
By GA production artist Gwen Carrington….the following is a biography of this writer in Emoji-only form. Not bad. Write one about someone else…. do you know enough to hit the highlights of their life via symbology (
Here’s my life through someone else’s perspective using emojis as pallete…..
Happy Holidays from Bill Feynman, Chris Welke, Steve and SNAFU from the home office on Los Angeles, CA. These tracks are available to stream until 1/2/17. We are busy as fuck as I’m certain you are as well dear reader/listener. Let’s make 2017 so good as to make 2016 feel like 2015. Together. &heart. The Publishers Desk at Self-Similarly Studios, Lonely Faction Productions and The SoCal Picayune.
*to be updated asap WIP*