Craigslist snapshot: men seeking women headlines in Orange County…lulz/roflcopter

Have you ever heard women say that men are dumb?

True or not…a cursory glance of classified ads posted TODAY and selected randomly do not do much for our credibility as “intelligent” (perhaps the blood drained out of their heads when they posted).

Note: links not posted out of courtesy, headlines are posted to the public domain and are protected under fair use…I mention this cuz I will post the head and then trash it for being idiotic.

1. Married for Married; seeking love outside of marriage [what? you wrote the same thing 3x, the subject makes zero sense grammatically]

2. Free Car Free Car OC […]

3. Looking for sencure woman [awww…. he means SECURE! I almost feel sorry but no sorry you are a fucking ‘tard]

4. Do you need help with bills? I need friends w/ benefits [I guess this isn’t dumb but isn’t that the exact same thing as “I will pay $ if you fuck me”?]

5. Handsome and hung for busty cougar [if you were and you were, you would not LEAD w/ that…I’m sure the “cougars” will line up for you bro!]

6. Want a casual time w/ someone also paranoid about CL? [so you either have the clap or you want someone who also does…or you want to wrap yourself in reynolds wrap before you round 3rd base. Fucking creepy and cryptic headline dude!]

7. Looking for stretch marks on BBW or prego [not dumb but informative. this is a thing. learn everyday, I guess, wtf?]

8. 420 friendly for 420 friendly [circular logic – [If I’m 420 friendly…in what universe would I not allow my partner to be? Better toke something else dingbat!]]

9.  My favorite: I have a lot of booze and 420 [are you impressed? he has Bud Light and Schwag! Sounds like a big money hustler to me!!!!]

I’m embarrassed for my gender.

-T

Re: Zoosk and online dating…

***New readers (especially from zoosk) thx for visiting…just googling my name gives you a full workup on me…just know that I exercise a bit of control over the search results.

I started dating online in 2003 via MySpace…I tried out Match.com circa 2005; sum total, two dates…neither led to a second date.

The first one lied about her age: 24 – It felt wrong when she wanted ice cream instead of coffee when we met up…she looked a bit younger than she did in her pix, so I ID’d her and she was 17 (!!!) so I walked off w/o saying another word.

The other one was as advertised…we went to a comedy club. being fellow writers, we spoke on the phone for about 18 hours prior to the date, but I was nervous and awkward and if I had been her I would’ve ditched me too! She was so pretty and smart and funny I puked in the bathroom halfway through the show I was so intimidated. Fuck me, right??!! Anyway im a decade older, slightly wiser, I have my Tom Berenger scars now…so it’s time to give it another go. I could definitely go for a date, a new friend, a friend with benefits, a GF, a wife, a family…who knows? Fuck. Me……RIGHT? 

Lets be frank I’m getting older and I’m fucking lonely…schools out, cant date business associates (usually) and I’ve had it with showing up at bars hoping to randomly meet a compatible human being….if I just wanted to hook up that’s no big thing, but that’s NOT what I want….No more 1nite stands…you dont believe my bullshit I know but I mean it this time. Dammit. 😉 -cw

OCSD Mounted Cavalryman drew down on homeless couple’s dog at Doheny Blues Festival

***Plz note: I neither own (in hard copy or electronic) any photographs…this is an eyewitness account… reasons why I did not take a picture can be found on the ACLU Web Site.

Saturday’s pre-festivities included what you might expect: heavy law enforcement coverage and tailgating. A large, but low profile and cautious group had gathered near the boat-gas station/liquor store. A few homeless people found shade around the periphery of that parking lot.

I mention them because a peaceful couple and their black and grey (mastiff?) made the “terrible mistake” of allowing the old boy off leash.

As expected, four mounted cavalry came down the road to observe the tailgating (but to their credit, each time they checked they were in fact just keeping the peace…no tickets were given or arrests made).

HOWEVER, the off-leash dog approached a horse, (likely to smell it) which made the horse take a step back.

The anonymous officer drew what at first appeared to be non-lethal taser of some form, but on closer inspection was a Glock 9mm…an extra thin one designed for “peace officers” I believe the model number could be 21.

A group of around 50 tailgaters who were much closer than me began to yell angrily at the Cavalry.

In addition to the usual “fuck the cops” type comments. The most rational heckler said, “Are you really going to shoot a dog in front of 100 witnesses?”

The officer holstered his sidearm…they had a quick meeting, returned and apologized to the couple and the tailgaters who were FURIOUS.

Bravo to the civilians who kept their protests to words and KEPT THE PEACE. And to whoever gave/accepted the order to holster the 9mm.

Still – to the Green Team – seriously….Fuck you guys that was some SERIOUSLY FUCKED UP SHIT.

That is all for now…Don Sterling pt2 – “Lofts” is coming.

Hashtag Don Sterling pt. 1b – “November 7th, 1991” …

…this was going to be a very special day for me – it was my twelfth birthday. Mom & Dad had arranged for a limosine to take me, my best friend Cam and Tony (may he rest in peace) to Balboa Island for a long night of Arcade Street Fighter and pizza…what more could a twelve yr old boy ask for?

On the bus ride home from school there were rumors that “something was wrong with Magic…he was like; sick or something.”

By the time I got home, Mom was glued to the TV…and the words that still ring in my ear are from the mouth of my all-time favorite athlete, “I tested HIV positive….I am retiring from the NBA.”

What did we know about HIV in 1991? What did a 12 yr old kid know? What did the drooling masses and media sharks know? That’s up for debate. I can only vouch for my reaction: [Chris-your favorite player’s career is over…he is dying and there is nothing YOU or ANYONE ELSE can do about it. Viruses; like the common cold are composed of self-replicating ribose-nucleic acid and scientists can only hope to treat it but cures are beyond present medical technology. HIV can “blossom” into something far worse known as Autoimmune Deficiency Disorder…which would lower Magic’s t-cell count and render his ability to fight sickness and infection moot – a sore throat could KILL HIM. HIV spreads via blood and/or semen…Magic probably got it from all the “serious ass” he gets] —- so I cried.

And cried. And cried.

Then the limo showed up with my buds…we went to Balboa. I whipped the hell out of them and everyone else using what’s known to gamers as cheese. By having Blanka use a jumping attack combined w/ a strong kick or overhead swipe….block or no block, by repeatedly tapping any punch button Blanka electrifies and once the opponent is trapped in the corner he can’t escape. I won every match and only spent a total of $0.50…the extra 25 cents to get back in the game after we had pizza….

….but it was a very somber night. All the cheese and limosines and Balboa Island’s in the world could not shake the “fact” that my hero was going to die – perhaps quite soon. I cried several more times that night and over subsequent weeks following.

Mom bought a very nice book that Magic Johnson wrote shortly after entitled “What You Can Do to Avoid AIDS,” Copyright 1992, Times Books. ISBN# 8129-2063-5. A photo of my 1st edition can be found here.

(sorry if this image and link doesn’t show or link properly…it took me two hours just to write the JavaScript to get Google Analytics up and running…I’m crash coursing myself on this and HTML and how to make it all jive with WP…for now the information supersedes my mediocre coding ability)

So….Don! Buddy! Thanks again for being “THAT GUY”!!!! Thx for reinforcing negative Jewish stereotypes…cuz we love that, bro! You fucking spineless heartless hypocritical douchebag….

YO!

MJ does NOT HAVE AIDS that is a LIE you fuck! 

DON! In what way is MJ a bad example for kids? His miraculous ability to fight, compete, survive…stay healthy? The $15 million he raised for HIV/AIDS education, prevention and research? The massive amounts of time and cash he donates to inner-city kids on a regular basis? The book he wrote just months after his announcement that helped me not only stop crying, but gave me the strength and knowledge to not only avoid AIDS despite my high risk behavior…but the courage to get tested regularly….INCLUDING LAST FRIDAY????

Before I really shoot my mouth off? I’ll end by quoting MJ once more…. “I will pray for him.”

-fin

stay tuned for pt 2 – “Lofts” coming soon and thx for your patronage and support. One Love -Tapper7

Hashtag fucking Donald Sterling part 1…

Wow. You ever seen a hashtag blow up so fast? I don’t know if you were jerking around the filthhole we so lovingly call twitter that night…if you weren’t….#donsterling was scrolling so fast on my iPod I couldn’t even read the tweets…it popped to the top of Google Trends like a teenager with some scante and the pswd to his Dad’s favorite wank site. On my end? I couldn’t even open the fucking APP. PERIOD….’round ’bout midnite.

Unlike most of you….on the uhhh….”internets” ….I was NOT jerking off that night, I was thinking.

Hard to believe.

Who the fuck is Don Sterling? The Clippers? LA? Something about hypocrisy? Racism? TMZ?

And then it hit me.

<<<Rewind: one decade>>>

Location: 

AKA Crack Alley.

So WTF was a lace-curtain OC-raised and SLO-educated Jew-boy like me doin’ on possibly the most notorious stretch in the city (Not counting Florence and Normandy, whose McDonald’s parking lot I’ve wasted countless hours in…)? Well w/o defaming myself too badly…Let’s just say I’ve crossed paths with Ironman down there…more times than either of us would care to admit.

So I’m sitting on the corner…nodding. Nearby a crack-whore is blowing a dude…sharps litter the sidewalk…a few blacks are drunk and a fight breaks out across the street. Men and women from all walks of life are shooting dope and smoking crack. In broad daylight. It is high noon.

An LAPD black&white rolls by…sirens blaring….followed by an ambulance….we all heard the shots, but nobody even blinks (certainly not me). The fight just grows, hustlers, dopers, pimps, pushers, dealers, hoes, … even the rats just go about their business.

More rollers. Beat cops don’t have time to mess with dope and blow jobs when ALL of them are working Robbery/Homicide straight out of the academy. They even used to have a saying, “Just another dead nigger in the street.”

Good God! what does all this have to do with Donny, Tapper?

Wait for it.

Ahem….”Lofts”

Part Two coming soon: “Slumlord Millionaire”

spc thx 2: Cal Poly Journalism, Clear Channel, Don, Vince and the rest of my ppl…even the ones who shame us…Don and SELF included.