Another full redesign is in-process *Caution* Man working ….

I’ve decided to strip down the style and design of the site again. I’ve only just now (after a week on & off) felt satisfied with the new albeit temporary…presentation of this particular node on the Web.
I’ve written a heavy amount of PHP and CSS again, though they are not technically “programming languages” per se, they ARE subject to almost as many quirky dependencies, rules unique unto themselves; which are inviolable and require extensive research and testing to deploy. Hopefully you will find the site a bit more pleasing to the eye, faster, more secure, more responsive and easier to navigate.
In the meantime it is only fair to announce that we are officially “under construction,” so if you see something strange over the next few days, that’s my fault…. I’ve tested about half the “use cases” (things you might do, read, watch, listen to, click on or use in some form or another). Earlier today, the music uploaded to the private section of the site and the archived prototype podcasts vanished, they were unplayable due to bad PHP writing on my part.
I’m 90 percent sure you can watch all videos, listen to all music, podcasts, read all posts, view all artwork/snaphots/pix, read my stories, search the site, click on links and find the content you are looking for easily, quickly and regardless of device, OS, browser, ISP and service type (4g, 3g, WiFi, Ethernet, Cable, DSL …..). Before I drift off tonite, You can be certain that all of the “common use cases” are functional and that within a week, the lesser-used functions (commenting, guest-posting, all sidebar tools) work exactly as you’d expect them to.
Still on the to-do list is MORE formatting and design of the 2015 style and theme…. an audit of all media on the site (delete unused pictures, audio, video, dead links and raw text-data) an audit of all advertisers being served via Google AdWords to ensure compliance with our ethics and MY morals plus an audit of page-load speed. This will include a further dress-down and rewrite of JS, CSS, HTML and PHP. *Phew*
Thank you for hanging with me throughout your tenure as a reader! I’m working on some devastatingly interesting podcasts, stories, news, editorials….and maybe even a decent joke. No promises about bringing the funny, but you KNOW I always try!
For those about to waste time on the Web at The SoCal Picayune (or whatever sites you’d rather NOT acknowledge… “WE SA-LOOOOOT YOU!!!!!!!!!” -Ed

In the meantime, for testing and shameless promotion why not check out one of my soon-to-be-audited, yet generous sponsors? If the redesign is going well, an advertisement will display below, if you visit them, you help to support the site and me personally a great deal–no obligation to do so, or even to LOOK at one of my ads. As part of a long-term promise, there is nothing for sale on this site, so when I hint-hint-wink-wink-wink-nudge-nudge ask you to check out a sponsor I am NOT endorsing their product or suggesting that you spend a penny. A few seconds of your time however…I must confess, I do suggest as an easy way to support those who keep the site running, the hardware it runs on and the crazy publisher that does WAY more work on it than he should. *Ahem* wink-wink-nudge-nudge -From the Publisher’s desk with love, C “T” W


Tapper “goes live” on MuseScore.com ….

Tapper's arr. of F Tuning...likely by Jack Meehan originally.

On a whim; we whipped up a quick and dirty transcription of Larry Shane’s epic Soprano lick from Concord’s 1991 program “Conversations in Jazz” —- used MuseScore v1.3 to create it not just for Bb trumpet but for Soprano Bugle in G for historical and nostalgic reasons. We were satisfied enough with the transcript to publish it live on the open-source software project’s official website . The file unexpectedly began trending immediately, despite it being essentially just five or six bars of only two voices IN UNISON, so an executive decision was made to arrange a longer, more fun to listen to track with at least a seven part harmony and an obscure key. “Relm’s Theme” from Final Fantasy III on the Super Nintendo was chosen, again, for nostalgic and historical reasons. We put a great deal of time into that arrangement and it is trending as I write this. Tomorrow people will listen to it in their cars on their way to work, In the park or on the Metro – or maybe with their favorite beverage. More iTunes playlists will include the work of this writer than ever before — so another executive decision was made to release “Lux Aeterna” which is VERY VERY MUCH an experimental WIP AND an innovative from-memory transcription-reboot of “SCV” the Bass Line beat The Santa Clara Vanguard plays as they “troop the line” on the track following a show. It is unknown to me whom actually composed “SCV” so default credit was given Ralph Hardimon and shoutouts to Murray Gussack, Jim Casella, (you can find them @Tapspace — total coincidence about the “Tap” thing — funny how things work out, Thanks again Skare ol’ buddy! Your gifts to my life are truly boundless) Mike “Eppy” Apodaca, Myron, Gail and every SCV Bass Line Veteran in existence.

Due to the unexpected and humbling success of taking these tracks live (listens and downloads are growing geometrically giving them potential to go viral) I dug around for my “Thumbs Up” arrangement which you can easily locate, read and listen to in 33-part harmony here on this site, but the original project file is toast, so I’ll have to rebuild it from scratch — we upgraded to version 2.0.1 today which contains tons of enhanced functionality so my arrangement of Jack Meehan’s famous on-field warm-up “F Tuning” (which is technically C tuning C-C5-Ctriad-FM-GM-CM rpt 3x …crescendo, layer and build from downbeat to cutoff + an “amen” double C’s and at least one triple E …hehheh…you know….)

Anyhoo, srsly check this shit out you guys! I’m really proud of the Relm arrangement and confidant I put enough legwork in to make it legally AND ethically ok to publish (if it were not – I WOULD NOT; per SPJ Ethics Code and applicable US Copyright Laws) In this writers legal opinion, as the track goes through CPI and if it continues to trend, I may be asked to monetize on behalf of SQUARE-ENIX and the original composer – Nobuo Uematsu. I’m happy to do that. I worship their games and his music. I seek no financial gain in this venture. I’m arranging and transcribing music because it is intellectually and artistically fulfilling + I remain an insatiable attention whore…hence “we” are quite optimistic and excited to explore the potential of MuseScore v2.0.1 tomorrow and hopefully upload v2 of “Relm” w/in the next two days. If the html they gave me works – it will embed below. If not, just go to MuseScore.com and look me up – you know what to search for – v2 will also be featured in the next Tapcast (also doing unexpectedly well on iTunes) along with a true story that will either fascinate you or convince you beyond reasonable doubt that I have officially lost my fucking mind. Much love to my regulars and visitors…now put your damn headphones on, listen to the track and get back to work, ok?….and try the veal – don’t forget to tip your waitress. Srsly lolzorz, -t

Relm’s Theme from Final Fantasy III arr. Tapper by Tapper7

Postscript: since the embedding does in fact work – plz forgive the typo A-relative minor, NOT A# –as much qualms as I have about B-flat, A-sharp does not completely exist in my world. #AMIRITE?

New friend site + RIP Leonard Nimoy:

theseowiz.com

You guys know I think 99.999 percent of SEO “specialists” are completely full of s—…..the BAD kind of hack. This dude isn’t.

That is all. You may returm to boring job now…more fun to come, new music in the protected section soon + local news for/from south OC re:

Zona’s and dispelling rumors.
March [OCD] Madness

+more of the content you hate to love. Short post I know this writer needs a lil “me time”
till then….watch Oliver Age 24’s latest YT vid.

Youtube and WordPress (hopefully) breathes new life into dying art form…

Around the turn of the millennium a new technology for animation was born: Flash. With it, an animator needn’t “a sweatshop in Korea with 50 animators working 24/7 at gunpoint ….and chickens running around”—said Mike Reiss, 26-year veteran producer of “The Simpsons”—Reiss is a four-time Emmy-winning producer, He wrote for Johnny Carson and Conan O’Brien in addition to a creator credit for “The Critic,” and scores of children’s novels – notably How Murray Saved Christmas, which NBC/Universal turned into a movie that aired Christmas Day last year to rousing reviews and accolades.

Flash can be programmed to do a great deal of the animation itself; a golden age of mature-themed animation made it’s way to the Web via Newgrounds and later Icebox. Icebox went defunct for a spell; they are back up though! With the advent of YouTube, animation host Newgrounds faded into the background as well. On the NEW Icebox, there exists ZERO NEW content, but all the CLASSIC animated series are is posted to an AWFUL WordPress blog (worse than mine) and the vids are hosted on YT-natch. It’s rough-around the edges but a whole lot better than nothing. Brilliant, hysterical, edgy and outrageously talented creations are resurrected…thanks to increasingly inexpensive Web-hosting.
This is a common model for modern publishing (I use it myself)…

WP engine: cheap…embedding video through YouTube – free.

Now all the fantastic episodes of SEVERAL brilliant “webtoons” are avail. It’s weird …. the episodes have so few views…Some episodes of “Superhero Roommate” featuring Brian Posehn…one of my all-time favorite comedians…has barely 200 views since uploading *ahem*
*scratch that…* “Leftovers part 1,” up for two years, has just over 100 views- I’d like to help him change that:

The surge of creative possibilities attracted a flood of heavy-hitter producers, writers, musicians and other artists. They were captivated by the ease of animating and the uncensored freedom offered by the InterWebz. In an eerily self-prophesying episode, Larry David piled on for a new series called “The Paula Principle” David creates a senator who’s just been nominated for president, he laments, self-deprecates and yells at his manager in classic LD-style, noting that he’s a complete hack, unqualified, in over his head…too stupid to do the job. Sadly…it was the only episode ever made. If I ever meet him, I will ask what would’ve happened to the “Complete Idiot” Senator, written an voiced by David himself and VERY MUCH a prequel to the style he would use on “Curb.” :

Only 290 views! How many times do you think “The Soup Nazi” episode of Seinfeld has been watched? I’ve seen it…3x? Would it be safe to say over a billion considering the syndication and DVD sets…and the fans who watch favorite episodes over and over again?
Another favorite of mine that has been brought back to life is “Mr. Wong” by Pam Brady. Mr. Wong is a SEVERE asian stereotype, his boss abuses him w/o mercy…and he gets involved with opiates, binge-drinking, hallucinations and “accidently” turns gay in this masterful series. The production value is top-notch. The main-theme played on the harpsichord at whiplash speeds in later episodes is a nod to how many heavy-hitting artists/musicians Flash technology attracted, here is episode 1, “Urine Trouble,” :

As you can see, this series was so good it was picked up by Mondo in 2009 and has nearly a quarter-million views since then. I assure you, episode 1 previously had well-over a million views through Newgrounds and the old version of Icebox.
Another series that enjoyed commercial success was “Queer Duck,” written by Mike Reiss, voiced by top-of-the-food-chain V/O KING Billy West (he was/is Ren & Stimpy amoung countless others on nearly every successful animated series/movie EVER – The Simpsons, Futurama…you name it). Rupaul joined up to write a SWINGIN ‘intro and outro that he sang masterfully. The gay jokes are hysterical, Reiss branched off from  The Simpsons as he was growing sick of the media’s portrayal of homosexuals, though he is not HIMSELF gay…at all..he’s Jewish, like me…and we have a tendency to come to the aid of oppressed groups; particularly those known to have an artistic gift (women, blacks and gays!) by promoting them…and taking our cut (Naturally…) Here’s episode two; I first watched when Reiss gave a seminar at Cal Poly, I interviewed him for the Daily and I asked him to show me the most offensive episode he had in the can so far. This was what he showed me….btw did I mention all the content is #NSFW? …I didn’t? Ok….well… it’s not…if you haven’t been fired yet let’s move on…sorry about that.

Yes..this series was so good it was picked up by Showtime.
He also created “Hard-Drinkin’ Lincoln,” which is self-explanatory. It’s about Honest Abe as an honestly s__t-faced, hardcore alcoholic, hijinks ensue and he usually gets shot at the end of every episode, making J.W. Booth a hero. It’s February, so here ya’ go….Reiss’ “Black History Month” tribute:

Speaking of purposely-offensive cringe-humor, great music and “period pieces,” “Meet The Millers” is one of my all-time favs…written by David Zuckerman. Dan Castelleneta (Homer S.) does V/O and Frank Sinatra Jr. wrote/sang the theme. It takes place in a xenophobic, commie-fearing, HEAVILY racist/anti-semitic suburb of Washington D.C.  in the 1950s. The father, an FBI agent, uses intimidation, fear-tactics, physical abuse and societal ills to his HILARIOUS advantage, which …naturally, he teaches to his children (when he’s not beating them of course)…Due to the Jennifer Aniston flick of same name, a normal web-query BURIES this great series deep down the list, even if you qualify the search for videos-only. I’ll plumb the depths of Youtube to find you an especially offensive/hysterical episode for ya, dear reader:

The dead-serious-severity in the voice of the older brother as he warns his black friend not to touch his sister and the BLAST against the French is daring and thought-provoking social satire…especially the ironic use of a laugh track when the jokes are at their most brutal not even 500 views yet.!…and now you know why the French kiss you twice!
So Icebox is BACK UP…someone setup a WP blog and assigned each series to a category. There are many more excellent series-es…es(????)….. I personally recommend “Starship Regulars,” I’m fairly certain it’s safe for work, it was initially scripted for network TV…”s__t” and “f__k” are substituted with futuristic terms, so it works. This one probably has the highest production value of them all. It’s a bummer there are so few episodes. I’m not a Trekkie by any stretch ..nor do I get too excited about Star Wars…sorry to burst your bubble if you thought I did. Remember: I’m a geek…. not a nerd; HUGE DIFFERENCE. I would’ve been all about this show had a major network bitten down on this…but, no dice: (Showtime did-yet it had a pitifully short run their Web site)

NOT EVEN A THOUSAND VIEWS!!! This is some of the greatest multimedia artwork ever created…and no one knows about it!
Even the new Icebox website is presented in carelessly written CSS…the videos out-span column-one, the new site is messy-carelessly slapped together-glad it’s there but sad to see it in such shabby condition. I present these on my site to promote the genius of their work…and to tidy up the FORMAT in which it is presented– Heroes of mine like Larry David and Mike Reiss (I STILL can’t believe I got to meet…even kick it w/ that guy in college…) THEY DESERVE BETTER. So I’m giving it to them. Check out some funny s— you’ve never seen or heard of before! None of my artist/writer/musician readers will be disappointed. This is Tapper-approved multimedia content we’re talkin’ about here!
My interview with Reiss was placed in the can at the Mistake Daily, so I have no access to it, but I’m in the process of extracting data off another old drive…I’m hoping it’s in there. I placed an order through an IT friend/associate, it took him a while to find the li’l gadget, there’s an issue with reading data off old IDE hard drives (obviously) plus I spent a little extra on a component that will interpret the data and send it out via USB 2.0, PLUS it fits in a case to protect the drive from electromagnetism. I don’t want to extract it from my old win95 box (ca. 1998) till it comes in….for all I know my cell phone …or a WiFi signal could fry it –frequency-modulation and EM are NOT on my list of expertise. All told it should work just like a thumb-drive –though it needs it’s own dedicated power supply, again, to protect it from getting sharked or de-magnetized. I’m srsly excited to get into my personal treasure-trove of writing, music and C++ code from my Cal Poly Dorm Days! This is from a tech-era when UNIX, C++/STL, Ethernet, Quake II, FTP, ICQ, IRC, Sun Microsystems, SPARC Solaris, Silicon Graphics (SGI) and Worms: Armageddon ruled the day! Facebook, Twitter, Google, Napster, .NET, even MYSPACE(!!!) weren’t even fully-formed IDEAS yet. It’s only 16 years ago, but that’s millenia in cyberspace-time. No one even says “cyberspace” anymore…see how dated it all is? In 1998, it would be six years until I finally caved-in and became the last man in America and got a cell-phone! One thing hasn’t changed…Microsoft still sucks.

Big-time fun to come…much of it (the interesting or historically-significant it’s) I will publish here.

So…..Is there any truth to the rumor that Springfield, ??…WAS IN FACT based on San Luis Obispo? I put that question to Reiss. Stay tuned…dear reader, stay tuned. []

Thanks for stopping by and please…many of you are spending too much time on my site. Did I mention that in the privacy policy? If not…Google reports “Sessions” to me….their clients are obsessed with it…how long you stay…only because they need to know how big of an “impression” my sponsored links made on you – so they report it to me daily. As for whom and how long? Per my privacy policy I cannot say, but some of you- TOO LONG, so again…get back to work, k? I don’t want to get anyone in trouble. -T.

“Thumbs Up,” F Tuning! score/.wav presented by Tapper, open source and The Left Coast….

May as well write an arrangement of “Thumbs Up,” and other West Coast favorites…whatevuz….the real issue was…can I transcribe and test a simple arrangement w/o handing >$500 over to Adobe? I still intend to publish a free method book (…what got me 86’d from trumpet_herald_dot_com forums…) my handwriting for music is awful…plus I can’t gather 5-7 people any ol’ time to test harmony.
Musescore is a pretty cool piece of open-source music-arrangement technology, not unlike what Audacity is to CoolEdit.
The graphic was made using Apache OpenOffice. Microsoft Office 369 or whatever? No thanks..I’m good. Sorry Adobe, I like your software but it is too expensive (InDesign is ~$3000) I’ll just develop my own it’s not rocket science.
I did “C Tuning” as well, but it doesnt crescendo or build or the way F does…ill upload both waves for your perusal. Enjoy or hate on it…there’s more to come at no cost courtesy Tapper7.com, Apache.org, (mt), Google, and MuseScore.org
Tapper's arr. of F Tuning...likely by Jack Meehan originally.
here’s the wave file: test me…like the voicing?

‘C’ Tuning: Bb-Bb5-Bbtriad-Bbmin, EbM, FM, BbM(open)…rpts twice. this was my 1st stab at it…sorry not nearly as cool as “Thumbs Up”…still i wrote a 1st-2nd&3rd Earthworm-shooter part, a Fluegel/Mellophone (2 & 3pt harmony) 3 Barry Parts, Euph, and Tooooba wit a split in about 1 hr…I’m likin this. Note: now that we dont all read G-treble anymore, I find it more sensible to write the lead tbn/bar part in Tenor Clef: note I messed up and used Bass Clef for F Tuning…excessive on the ledger lines…may make sense to write 8va——-for about half the lead “tpt.” *ahem* SOPRANO parts for same reason. the double C is what, 6 lines up?
C Tuning for Bb Horns - Bb-Bb5-Bbtriad-Bbmin, EbM, FM, BbMopen. rpts 2x.– I just counted, the way I voiced C tuning you’d need 33 horns to hit all those notes. That’s what we started with at VK….[]

The California Register *Special Edition* drops….

a shot of the hard copy. The California Register. January 2015. Buster the cadaver-sniffing dog is featured; so is police corruption/laziness and/or incompetence.

….and this writer is responsible for a great deal of the content.


If you did not receive a copy of the edition in your mail or PO Box today…I published a PDF of the prototype below so you can enjoy my words as much as I enjoyed writing them. A full copy of the paper in finalized “ATP” as-is form should be avail. to me soon.
This is not EXACTLY what was printed, but now that it’s out there, here is the editorial as it was initially laid out … the Approved to Print copy is a hair different but my words and are essentially equivalent.
Por Vous: B7 to B8 prototype*
Viva la voce y la pluma libre! The subversive graphic…defacing a Cal Poly “concrete welcome slab” electronically by this writer and published a few months back on this site as dark-satire… (MADE in MSPAINT!) is published as-is in the paper…I admire the chutzpah shown by the publisher of this seriously cool newspaper. His name is David Smallwood and is known as “Pismo Dave” in the Five Cities area.

Por Democracy: viva la marketa libre’! Lee la advert abajo. Gracias!

*CalPoly: Burying the past to protect our future and all pictures and graphics associated with it are the intellectual property of Chris Welke, please obtain permission before sharing/reproducing/copying/printing/etc. Thanks! More to come ASAP. Stay tuned dear reader…and grab your coat cuz it’s gonna be long one. []

Contract Chris Welke for 90 days cost/risk/obligation free and get $2500 tax credit….

Thanks to Governor Jerry Brown and The California Department of Rehabilitation. (DOR), the multi-faceted professional services of Chris Welke are available at no cost to your company, in fact, the state will slice two-and-a-half G’s off your taxes too. If you are not aware, Welke was severely injured in an accident Nov. 2012. An Infinity Q45 doing 45mph did not see Welke as he crossed Camino De Los Mares in a crosswalk, pulverizing his right leg, smashing out seven teeth, breaking his jaw in three places, slicing his cheek and slitting his throat.
Despite the critical injury and years of surgery, Welke identifies as “disabled” in the legal sense only. He does not collect SSI. He works small contract jobs and the state wishes to reward him and any company willing to take him on for a no-risk trial. The state will pay an hourly (up to $15/hr and 40hrs/wk) plus all benefits. Over $100,000 was spent to fully restore his face, neck, jaw and teeth, paid for by Welke himself. The leg is in the millions, priceless really…. it is one-of-a-kind, the cost courtesy of his genius orthopedic surgeon Dr. Ken Wilkins and generous grants from The Federal Government of The United States of America. Welke has no brain damage…. other than kind of a “Sgt. Barnes,” look, you’d have no way to tell an accident ever happened unless you asked and he was willing to tell you. When the 90 days are up, your company can hire Mr. Welke or send him back to the State…we think you’ll want to keep him though.  Contact the DOR through the link provided or the Orange County office…
(714) 662-6030
2002 East McFadden Avenue , Suite 100
Santa Ana, CA 92705-4767
….for more info or this Web site. Happy New Year. Services listed:View Chris Welke's profile on LinkedIn

Continue reading “Contract Chris Welke for 90 days cost/risk/obligation free and get $2500 tax credit….”